


Counting Stars

by writingdetritus



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, but it has plot!, its a dumb romance story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-01-25 15:41:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 26,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1653848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingdetritus/pseuds/writingdetritus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of how Sarek met Amanda and their life together. // Based on the AOS storyline (aha it hurts aka), while still keeping canon from TOS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Literally this piece is just one giant headcanon. Rating might change when I get to part 2 but we'll see.  
> Also, this is the music I listened to while writing this if you are interested. http://8tracks.com/detritus/galaxies

Part I: Life on Earth

Ha’kiv fi’Terra

Chapter 1

_Earth Mid-Year/Belaar 2229_

The first time they met Amanda had reached her hand out in the usual Human greeting. It was at a dinner party and they shared a mutual friend somewhere in the room. She didn’t know much better – she was a young school teacher and Sarek had only hesitated a moment before taking the hand offered.

To go along with the Human saying, it was love at first sight, or first touch for him. Of course, he didn’t truly register these feelings for a while, and even when he did, he resisted them. It was the Vulcan way, but she was not Vulcan.

Obviously, he received no internal thoughts through the touch, but a bit of a bleed through of emotions. He never had issue keeping his emotions in check (with only once or twice in his entire life beforehand had a situation resulted in anger showing itself and even those had been terribly weak compared to what he had seen humans exude), but now, with their hands clasped, all he could feel was warmth and happiness and an overwhelming sense of curiosity. He couldn’t help but lift an eyebrow and stare at this strange (beautiful) creature before him.

But he was a diplomat, an ambassador representing the Vulcan race, and could not be distracted by Amanda. So they met formally and that was that. Or it was supposed to be.

When he was invited by the human diplomat that was in charge of him, to explore the city, he had agreed because learning how Humans functioned in daily life could be very interesting. But in a seemingly popular little café, the diplomat became absorbed in conversation and left Sarek to contemplate his surroundings. And that was where he met Amanda again.

She was leaving with what looked like a group of friends and she had looked in her clutch only to tell her companions to go on without her – she had left her phone on the table. She turned and spotted Sarek sitting with a cup of mint tea in his hands, his solemn face downturned just slightly. She approached.

“Hello again!” She said, sitting down across the table from Sarek. Her hair was pulled back in a relaxed bun, her face open and brightly colored earrings swung as she turned her head.

“Hello,” He replied.

“I think this is the last place I expected to see you,” She said, giving him the warmest smile, plainly saying ‘I’m glad you are here though’.

“I was being shown around your city,” He replied, settling back in his chair.

“But you were ditched,” she offered with a sideways quirk of the mouth. He had to admit, he was fascinated by that mouth. But he restrained himself from studying her too closely – they were still almost strangers.

“Ditched?” He asked. He was still a bit rusty with Human slang and sometimes the words eluded him.

“Left behind,” Amanda said. “What are you having?”

Sarek glanced down at the tea. “Tea. Mint to be exact. We have something similar to this on Vulcan.”

“Really? Is this as good?” She seemed legitimately interested.

Sarek shifted, a bit uncomfortable. “Well, it is different. I do not want to offend.”

“Oh whatever,” Amanda waved her hand. “I love hearing about other planets and cultures.”

“Have you never been offworld?” Sarek asked. It wouldn’t be surprising if she said no.

“Sadly, no,” She sighed. Not surprising. “But I’ve always wanted to go to Vulcan – I studied the language in university.”

“Really?” Alright, a bit surprising. He had never met anyone who had bothered to learn the language and never actually traveled to Vulcans or worked with Vulcans.

“Oh trust me, I probably butcher it,” She laughed.

“I do not think you can slaughter a language.”

Amanda laughed again, as if Sarek had made a joke, which he certainly had not. He narrowed his eyes just slightly, conveying confusion. Amanda stared at him for a moment until, “Oh right! You were being serious. When I say ‘butcher’ I mean to say I can’t speak it well or beautifully.”

“I see.”

“And of course, compared to your Standard… you are very good by the way,” Amanda said. Sarek didn’t reply. He knew this was a compliment and he felt he shouldn’t wave it away, but at the same time, he had nothing to offer back.

Amanda did not seem to notice the silence, instead glancing around and sighing almost sadly. “I had better be going – I said I’d go to the movies with my friends.” She suddenly leaned forwards across the table. “Though to be honest, I find you much more interesting than any flick.” She stood and extended a hand. Again, Sarek gave pause but for whatever reason he took the hand again.

The warmth and now what felt like a love for a new friendship seeped through him. And he was fascinated. These feelings of acquaintance, of simple being were almost addicting. He couldn’t help but look up into her eyes and just fall into those feelings, no matter how slight they were.

“Hope to see you!” Amanda gave him a sunny smile, obviously oblivious to what she was passing on to the Vulcan. She waved at him, clutching her small purse and dashed out of the café, her heeled boots clicking on the tiled floor.

He was left sitting with his cold mint tea in the café, when suddenly the patron approached him.

“That girl you were talking to, she left her phone,” And he handed it off to Sarek who blankly stared at it for a bit. Finally he took up the phone and left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This entire story is just a fluffy mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://8tracks.com/detritus/galaxies

The phone sat in his apartment for about a day before Sarek could no longer resist it. It was like a strange driving force that had never pushed him before, but he had to see Amanda’s smile again.

He found out where she worked from his office – she was a part of the Starfleet apparently, but domestic: teaching children of Starfleet officers. He took a taxi with an automated driver to the school. It wasn’t that large, white washed with a courtyard for the children to have their outdoor activities in. All the children were gone but from what he had understood, the teachers stayed after hours to design the next day’s lesson.

He entered the school and quickly found Amanda’s classroom.

It was small, but on every single open wall space, Amanda had pasted maps of Earth, solar systems, and other planets.

She was hunched over her desk on a hand held, typing away furiously. Before she even looked up, Sarek could tell she seemed a bit sad.

“Sarek!” She was very surprised, brushing her brown hair out of her eyes and almost instantly Sarek felt happiness emanating from her.

“You left your phone at the café,” Sarek said, producing the device. He set it down on her desk.

“Oh wow,” Amanda chuckled, picking it up and flipping it on. “When I went back after the film, the café was closed. Thank you!”

Sarek turned to leave but, “No wait!” He turned back to find Amanda standing. “I have to repay you somehow!”

“There is no need.”

“Oh come on. Drinks? On me?”

“I-“

“Coffee?”

“I-“

“Come on, it’ll be fun!”

Sarek sighed, “Alright.”

“Great!” And the contentment hit him again. “You free right now?”

“I-“ Sarek paused. He liked making her happy. “Yes.”

“K, just give me a moment – gotta pack up,” Amanda said, flipping off her hand held and shoving it into her desk drawer.

Sarek wandered the classroom, observing all the maps until he arrived at the back of the classroom, where hung two large posters, one of Earth, the other of –

“This is Vulcan,” He said interestedly, leaning forward and look at the desert planet that was his home.

“Oh yeah,” Amanda said from the other side of the room. “The kids like it. Is your city on there?”

“Yes,” Sarek said, leaning even closer.

Suddenly Amanda was right beside him, her warmth leaking from her. “Really? Where?”

Sarek pointed at the Capital – he was a diplomat after all.

“Oh wow,” Amanda whispered. And then Sarek almost jumped out of his skin as Amanda met his fingers with two of her own. The delicate extremities rested by his as she leaned forward and examined the map. He didn’t dare remove his hand as he felt her small exhale of wonderment brush on it.

Finally she moved, turning towards the door. “Someday I’ll go there.”

Sarek had to take the briefest of moments to compose himself and follow her out the door.

She was very much the talker, never perturbed by the fact that Sarek was silent for most of their walk. When they finally arrived at the coffee stand that Amanda had wanted to buy him something at, the sky was deepening into pinks and reds.

“I just ordered you a latte – hope you like milk?” Amanda said, handing Sarek the portable cup and then gesturing him to follow alongside her.

They finally climbed into a park where there were a few benches scatted around the hill to observe the city and watch the sunsets. Amanda sat down, tapping the bench beside her and sipping at her cup.

“Why are we here?” Sarek asked, settling down next to her. He was still stiffed backed in his robes and he didn’t much care for the drink but he didn’t want to appear rude. After all, he was ambassador and integrating himself into Human society was his duty.

“Haven’t you ever just watched a sunset?” Amanda leaned back against the bench, letting the summer wind wrap around her, her eyes fluttering shut.

“To simply watch it? Or to learn from it – learn its atmospheric properties? Because then yes, to the latter, I have,” Sarek said.

Amanda opened her eyes simply to roll them. “No, just to you know – _watch_ it!”

“That seems illogical.”

Amanda giggled, it was soft and thoughtful. Sarek was surprised just how many different laughs she had. And the friendliness was coming from her again – that infectious feeling of happiness and contentment. “Illogical, yes. Amazing? That too.”

So the first time Sarek watched a sunset for no other reason than enjoying it was with a fascinating human by his side. Amanda teased him for not drinking his latte and saying it made it so she hadn’t paid him back yet and that they’d have to do this again. Sarek didn’t disagree. She was enthralling.

He would never admit this, but he was lonely. No one on Earth understood him; he was just an alien that kept some communications clear. But Amanda – well she loved learning, her curious mind always pestering him for more, more. Admittedly, he tried to resist her a bit but not for long and by the end of the night he had explained the ancient Vulcan creation story and well not many humans heard that one.

They parted when the stars were shining brightly and Amanda promised to call to set up another ‘date’ – but she assured him she did not mean this in the romantic sense.

So for the rest of the week, Sarek unexplainably found himself sitting with a human watching sunsets and he couldn’t have felt more content. He told himself they were Amanda’s emotions bleeding through to him but after a while he finally accepted the fact that he was simply comfortable.

“Can – can you,” Amanda seemed a bit nervous – anxious, her smile only half as vibrant as she turned her body towards Sarek on the bench, near the end of their week together so far.

“Yes?” Sarek prompted.

“ _Could_ it be possible if you help me with my Vulcan language studies?” Amanda asked eyes wide and pleading. “It’s just you’ve renewed my passions and I dragged out all of my old text books but you are a _Vulcan_ and you speak it and oh, I’d just be very thankful if you agreed to mentor me.”

Her run on sentences always absorbed Sarek and so he was unable to deny her. “Of course.”

“Oh good,” Amanda’s face turned to instant relief. “I was worried you would say it was illogical.” She gave him a sideways smile, before: “Oh thank you!” and she flung her arms around Sarek’s shoulders.

With their bodies so close, their cheeks almost touching, Sarek almost spluttered at the wave of gratitude, gladness and other warm feelings hit him. He had never really hugged before, so it took him a moment to adjust. Finally he brought a hand up to press lightly against her back.

He had never met someone so potent. She radiated, and he received.

They started meeting after he was finished with his duties as ambassador, in her white classroom. She really had accumulated many volumes of Vulcan history, culture and language. They started slowly, Sarek teaching her pronunciation. Some words still seemed to elude her quick tongue, including his formal title. But she continued to try – standing in front of the maps she had of Vulcan saying the names over and over again, Sarek silently watching her.

When she asked for him to write something in Vulcan calligraphy, his pen hesitated over the paper and he glanced up at Amanda’s shining face. He quickly jotted down a word.

Amanda leaned in close examining the swirls and lines of the word. Finally she glanced at Sarek. “So what is it?”

“E’tum.”

Amanda gave him a quick, questing look before, “Beautiful?”

“Yes.”

“Oh wow. I remembered!” She seemed so proud, leaning forwards towards the word again, tracing it with her fingers. “Can you explain it?”

Sarek did so, following each line with on finger and every once and again, he brushed his against hers. It was overly intimate, but it was as if he could not help it. He was falling for this naïve, curious Human.

They parted after another hour of study and that night Sarek paced his bedroom, contemplating his predicament.

He then distracted himself by checking if he had received any messages. Several from the news feed, a long one from his counterpart back on Vulcan and lastly one requesting meetings all the next day.

He would have to inform Amanda that he would be unable to make their lesson, but he would message her tomorrow.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's pretty short.

He didn’t remember to as it turned out. He was awoken very early to his computer buzzing at him as the ambassador of the Orions in a city on the other side of the country was wondering if “it wouldn’t be too much trouble to discuss some important things – oh no, did I you wake up? Time difference got away from me, should I call you back?”

“No,” Sarek said, waving his hand to dismiss the worry. If he was going to be up at this hour, it only seemed logical to work.

And from that moment he was constantly working, taking meetings, signing and writing papers and he didn’t even remember to eat anything, so how could he have remembered his promise to Amanda. _Finally_ after his last meeting that went around three hours, Sarek returned to his apartment and sank into a chair, letting his mind relax for a moment before suddenly flashing them open once again.

He picked up his hand held and tapped a few buttons until he found a message from Amanda. Her note was short, just: “Sorry if I missed a memo, but I take it you can’t meet today? – Amanda”. He couldn’t help but feel a small pang of regret.

He quickly jotted down, “I do apologize Ms. Grayson, I would be pleased to see you again tomorrow evening” and then he got ready for bed.

 

“You called me Ms. Grayson!” Amanda laughed as she let Sarek into her classroom and settled on the edge of a desk.

“Yes, that is your name is it not?” Sarek asked, a bit confused.

“Only students call me Ms. Grayson,” Amanda said. “And I’m pretty sure you are not the pupil here.”

“I see.”

“Call me Amanda.”

Sarek did not say anything. Something was different between them, Amanda seemed a bit more reserved in her motions, as if taking care not to stand too close. Her usual light touches were not being received and she seemed almost shy. Was it because he had forgotten to inform her? Was she offended?

They began the lesson, basic grammar. Luckily with her background in Vulcan it was more of a reminder than anything else. They were finished very quickly compared to the other nights and Sarek stood to leave.

“I want to apologize for yesterday,” He said, turning back towards her. “I was occupied with my ambassadorial duties.”

“It’s alright,” Amanda said, shaking her head with a smile.

Sarek suddenly lifted his hand up for her to shake. He had to admit it was a bit of a selfish reason: he wanted to see what she would do since she had been so careful around him. He expected it would be interesting.

“Oh!” Amanda said, looking down at his long fingers and then back up at his face and he was hit with curious confusion. “I thought… yesterday I was reading and well,” She blushed. This was the first time he had truly seen her flustered. “I read that touching in Vulcan society is kind of taboo’d?”

Ah so that was it. Sarek just pierced her with his stare, his eyes bearing down into her. He didn’t want to tell her she was right, that in fact that he hadn’t undergone this much physical contact since he bonded with the Vulcan princess. His hand still raised, he could tell she was starting to give, to release back into her typical Human nature. Finally after what felt like ages, Amanda took his hand and they just held them together for a moment in time. He could feel her utter confusion and doubt slowly shift into curious contemplation as she turned his hand and observed it.

He could almost feel the question before it was asked, “Are you… reading me? I don’t know if that’s the correct term….”

“Yes, I can sense your emotions.” How could he hide the truth all the time? She gave a little ‘huh’ and then smiled up at him, pushing back a lock of hair behind her ear.

“Well, I had better go. Tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

They let go when Amanda suddenly slapped hand onto her cheek, “Oh I forgot, I’m going out. We may have to end earlier. Is that alright?”

“Of course.”

“You could come if you want, it’s just this dumb party someone’s hosting.”

Sarek paused. He was not one for ‘parties’ but he did not want to disappoint Amanda, so he simply gave her a: “perhaps”.

They walked out of the school together, Amanda hopping onto her Moped.

“Alright, good night Sarek.”

And he was left in the darkening street.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha love interest OC one time appearance

When Sarek arrived at the classroom, he was surprised for two reasons. First, Amanda was dressed up in a gold sequined dress, her hair pulled back and her lips shining with gloss. The second was the fact that for this lesson they were not alone. A man, about as tall as Sarek with blonde curly hair was leaning against a desk. He was dressed smartly in a casual suite, a bored look written across his features.

“Sarek, Emmett Crane, Emmett – Sarek,” Amanda introduce the man. When Emmett extended his hand, Sarek simply gave him the Vulcan salute. Amanda noticed.

“Alright Emmett, this won’t take long, we’re just going over irregular verbs. Just… occupy yourself,” Amanda said, gesturing Sarek over to the desk. He could sense she was a bit tense, not her usual carefree self. She retrieved her notebook and opened it, leaning close to Sarek to whisper, “Sorry, I didn’t really think he would come, but he did. I hope that doesn’t change anything for today’s lesson?”

“Not at all,” Sarek said.

They began work, but Sarek was perturbed by Emmett’s presence in the classroom. He moved about in a sloping fashion, hands thrust into pant pockets. He picked at a map on the wall, and then starting tapping a desk incessantly with no sense of rhythm. Sarek could tell Amanda was becoming flustered, making stupid mistakes she hadn’t before, and she constantly was glancing up at to check on her companion.

Emmett sighed heavily, not reserved in any sense of the word. Amanda gave him a quick look and then a pleading look to Sarek. “I’m sorry, but I guess we should be going,” Amanda said. She stood and Sarek followed suit.

“Sorry about this,” Amanda said, approaching Emmett, reaching her hand out for him to take it.

“Yeah well, you should, we’ll be late” Emmett said, standing straight. Sarek narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brow at the tone of Emmett’s voice. “I can’t believe you are spending this much time with him.” Emmett obviously had no concept of tactfulness.

“Emmett!” Amanda said, a bit peeved. She dropped her hand. “You know this is something I love.”

“Seems a bit pointless since you aren’t going off world anytime soon.”

“Emmett, stop it. Come on.” She moved towards the door. Sarek felt the hurt from across the room oozing from her.

“Good night, Ms. Grayson,” Sarek said. Emmett scoffed. “And to you Mr. Crane, how typically human of you to assume that the juxtaposition of large imputations would portend the sanguine expectation of fulfillment on your part of an act or expression showing scorn and usually intended to hurt another’s feelings. Specifically I believe you mean to insult me as both a teacher and as a Vulcan.”

Amanda’s mouth fell open and Sarek could feel a stab of abject horror. He stood his ground as Emmett approached him, his grey eyes narrowed. “Did you just really say that to me?”

“It would appear that I did.”

They were standing very close now, both at eyelevel when Amanda was between them, “Stop, come on Emmett. Sarek, stop it! Both of you stop!” But the staring contest wasn’t ending anytime soon.

“Anything else you’ve got to say, green-blood?”

“Vulgar terminology about my biology is illogical when it is a fact. It is not logical to exchange insults. Prolonging a non-beneficial encounter to engage in deprecatory banter is… one would say… a Human characteristic.” Sarek knew he was crossing every single line as an ambassador to the Human race but Emmett to say the least was rubbing him the wrong way. He did not like how he made Amanda feel.

“Sarek!” Amanda snapped; a jab of anger towards him. Maybe he was going too far.

“Come on Amanda,” Emmett said, stepping away and reaching for Amanda.

“Oh my god, Emmett, I can’t believe you,” Amanda almost snarled, stepping back. “And you Sarek!” Sarek didn’t even look at her; he kept his eyes on Emmett.

“Amanda!” Emmett said again, his voice growing lower. He took another step towards her. “Bitch, come on.” And he grabbed at Amanda, gripping her upper arm so tightly the blood left it. And suddenly Sarek could feel fear coursing through Amanda.

He wasn’t really sure why he lost control, but the next thing he knew he had Emmett by the throat, red blood was dripping from his nose. Amanda was screaming at him to let go of the Human scum, but Sarek’s focus was completely on Emmett and he wasn’t letting go anytime soon. Emmett was scratching at the Vulcan’s hand, coughing and spluttering as his windpipe was slowly crushed.

Amanda hit Sarek with an open hand, and it was enough to jerk him out of the rage. He let go of Emmett and was a bit shocked with himself. Blood was on his hand, and he looked at it in interest, but when he turned his eyes up Amanda he was horrified to see she had started crying. She grasped Emmett by the wrist and walked him out.

“Good night Sarek.” She said coldly.

“Rom-halan,” _Farewell._ And he was left in the classroom.

This was why Vulcan kept their emotions under check. It was like he had been possessed. And now it would appear he had broken the friendship they had kindled and he was alone once again on a planet that was confusing and illogical.

For two days he received no messages from Amanda. The disconnect was almost painful. Without her warmth and cheerfulness, he would return to his dark apartment each night and work through the night. Finally after he has messaged her asking if she wanted to continue their lessons, he received a ding from his computer.

‘ _Meet me at our bench, tonight at 10pm, sound good? –A’_

He sat back in his desk chair and contemplated her wording. Our. _Our_. It was a strange word to choose for a bench. It didn’t make much sense to him, but he still he liked it. So at 9:30 he was walking to the park.

She was waiting for him at the entrance of the park, leaning against the low wall, two portable cups in her hands. She had on a wool coat, with a scarf around her head, hiding her hair. She gave him a small smile as he approached, and he could feel that sadness he had felt before seep into him. It was a modest sadness, not grief just… melancholy.

“Green tea,” She said, offering him a cup. He took it and was thankful for the warmth of the drink in his cold hands. Despite so many years of preparing he was never really ready for the cold weather of fall on Earth.

“Lesek.” _Thank you._ He said. He had started using phrases around her, getting her use to normal conversation.

“Veling.” _Of course._ She replied and they climbed up the hillside to the bench they had occupied many times before.

After they settled and sat in silence for a moment, Sarek bowed his head. “I want to apologize for how I acted towards your companion.”

“Towards – towards my companion?” Amanda laughed harshly, she was obviously not amused. “Oh he probably deserved it. But… you scared me Sarek. I’ve never seen you like that. I’ve hardly seen Humans react that way! That was… frightening.”

“I do apologize for causing you distress.”

Amanda sighed and then leaned against his shoulder, her head resting on him, “It’s alright. Just… I don’t even know what to say. Anyway,” She shook her head, taking a sideways sip of her coffee; he could smell the strong roast. “I broke up with Emmett.”

Sarek imperceptibly stiffened.

“He was a jerk to begin with,” Amanda said with a heavy sigh. “I don’t even know why I hung on for as long as I did. You know, we’d been dating for about two months.”

“I was never aware of him.”

“No, and I wish you never were,” Amanda sat back up and turned towards Sarek. “Sarek, bath’paik.” _Damn you._

He quickly turned towards her, startled that she had said that, worried that she was still angry with him. But he was met with both a cheeky and shy grin and an almost intentional outreach of feelings, asking if their friendship would be alright. Which he responded to with a feeling of yes and of course, she received nothing so he had to say it: “Veling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the haitus - I was out of country. But I'm back now :)


	5. Chapter 5

After that, they became even more comfortable in each other’s presence and soon their formal lessons changed locations. They studied in Amanda’s favorite coffee shops (much to Sarek’s chagrin – it was always much too loud to study), in the park, and even in their homes. Amanda lived in an apartment not that far from Sarek. It was much smaller than his, simple Starfleet residence halls with a small kitchenette and the bedroom was also the living room. But there too she had covered all the walls with maps and her collection of books about other cultures invaded every surface. Sarek found it charming. She liked going to his apartment though because she said his couch was possibly the best piece of furniture she had ever sat on, and she liked spreading herself across the entire thing and study her papers.

She started speaking to Sarek in full Vulcan sentences too when they were together, and Sarek would give himself an inward smile as she stumbled and corrected herself. But he had to admit he was proud of her, she studied hard and had recalled many of the lessons she had had in university.

While Sarek worked on his duties at his desk he would often be greeted with Amanda bringing him a cup of hot tea and a smile. She said she was lonely in her apartment; many of her friends weren’t apart of Starfleet and so were not living really anywhere near her. She liked having company; Sarek couldn’t say he minded it either. She started to bring in dinners too, making him try strange foods from the corner takeout places, where he was sure cockroaches ran rampant but she obviously did not care about sanitary situations when the food according to her was “Orgasmic” which had certainly confused Sarek until it was explain that just meant really good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so short I never realized omfffff


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hohoho its THE chapter. థ౪థ

It was October 11th, Federation Day on Earth and there was a knocking at Sarek’s door just after noon. He flipped up the viewer and was greeted with Amanda smiling up into the camera, a basket on her arm. When he opened the door, she quickly ducked under his arm and went straight to the kitchen.

“I’d figure we could make a meal,” Amanda said, taking out her fresh ingredients. Sarek closed the door and turned towards her, adjusting his shirt.

“I take it you did not have to teach today?” He asked, approaching the counter of the island and leaned against it, watching as she pulled out bok choy and other fresh vegetables.

“Nope, government holiday,” She said. “And I just decided I wanted something Asian, hope you don’t mind?”

“Of course not,” Sarek said quietly. “I am currently working on a paper; I hope you do not mind me not helping?”

“No, no, fam wat.” _No problem._ She even turned Vulcan into loose sentences.

He moved his work into the living room, hunching over the dining room table as he typed away. Amanda came by and placed a cup of jasmine tea in front of him and then was back in the kitchen with her personalized radio playing. He could hear her singing, and her voice was sweet and clear. He could also feel her emotions invading his apartment and his own senses. She was completely content.

Finally Sarek finished, and leaned back in his chair, stretching his back and crossing his ankles, and then reached for his tea. He swiveled his chair around to see Amanda dancing over a pot. She had kicked off her boots, and tied up her hair in a loose bun on the top of her head. She looked comfortable.

He couldn’t help but feel his heart pick up in pace just slightly as he watched her. She was so beautiful and illogical. She turned just then and looked at him with her piercing brown eyes, a smile parading on her lips.

“Pok?” _Ready?_

“Ha.” _Yes._

Amanda grabbed two bowls out of the cupboard and ladled soup into each, and then grabbed a couple of chopsticks and brought them to the table. The sun was warm in the evening and shone brightly directly onto the table. Sarek shifted his papers and tablet away from himself, and took the bowl and chopsticks offered him.

“Don’t worry, its vegetable stock,” Amanda reassured him, as he questioningly looked down into the noodle stew. “I tried making it similar to plomeek, but aha, I think I failed. I’ve never really had it.”

“I appreciate the effort,” Sarek said.

They ate with Amanda chatting about one Federation Day when she had ditched her parents at the age of 12 in the middle of a farmers market and had 5 credits and bought as much ice cream with it as she could and then shared it with a little boy she met who seemed lost. Sarek listened and ate silently.

Her emotions were coming over to Sarek loud and clear and he swam in them as she reminisced and played with her food with a dreamy look on her face. He was losing focus in her words but he watched her carefully, letting the satisfaction roll over him that he didn’t even register the corners of his mouth turn up in a small smile until

_‘Oh.’_

It was a clear thought and it jolted him out of his seat because it hadn’t been his thought. He was standing with his hands clenching the edge of the table, not out of anger or distress but simply out of shock. The only other person he had ever shared thoughts with were Sybok’s mother, T’Rea but only once or twice under strict permission because they were both Vulcan’s with usually perfect control of their thoughts, even under a meld.

This, _this was different._

Amanda was sitting with also a shocked face, her mouth fallen open as she looked up at Sarek. But her surprise was mostly towards some sort of realization she had had, not to what Sarek was reacting to. But suddenly, it was as if the connection between them suddenly snapped and Sarek was unsure what exactly she had had an epiphany about.

He noticed his hands were shaking slightly as he released them from the table edge.

“I – I, I’ll return shortly,” He said breathlessly and almost dashed from the living room into his bedroom’s bathroom. He stared down at his quivering hands, and then up at his bloodless face in the mirror. And suddenly he knew _shan’hal’lak._ Emotional engulfment.

Sarek took a moment, washing his face off with cold water, easing his heart beat back to a steady pace. Nothing was different. Everything would be the same.

He returned to the living room to find that Amanda had cleared the table and was now sprawled out across his couch, flipping channels. She flipped over, looking over at Sarek.

“Everything alright?”

“Ha.”

“Wanna watch something?” Whatever she had realized she wasn’t speaking about it. But Sarek was glad to find he sensed her emotions leaking from her again – he took comfort in that fact.

He settled himself next to her and she continued to flip channels. He had come to realize she had this bad habit of not stopping on a channel for more than about 5 seconds but right now he wasn’t perturbed by it whatsoever, absorbed with his own thoughts.

The sky darkened and Amanda stood and walked towards the balcony, sliding the glass door open and stepping out into the balmy October air. “Sarek,” She called for him. He joined her and they both looked up, observing the rotating heavens.

“Look! A shooting star!” She suddenly pointed up at the slight glimmer of a star falling through the sky.

“Kahs’khior’i, that’s what a shooting star is in Vulcan,” Sarek said, looking up at the sky, searching for the constellations that would point him home.

As if reading his thoughts, Amanda asked, “Where’s Vulcan? Can we see it?”

“Not with the naked eye,” Sarek reminded her, still looking. “There,” He pointed upwards. “Follow the tail of the Pegasus Constellation and just between Triangular and Andromeda, that’s where 40 Eridani, the Vulcan system should be.”

“16 light years away,” Amanda sighed, leaning against the balcony and staring upwards. “Still want to go there.”

Sarek did not reply but stood watching as pieces of her hair fluttered in the warm wind, her right foot locked behind her left ankle, her eyes sparkling with the city lights. Just then, there was a whizzing sound and Amanda jumped, grabbing onto Sarek’s arm as a firework was lit.

“Oh gosh!” Amanda laughed, loosening her grip. “I forgot, it’s Federation Day. I’m glad we didn’t miss them!”

They stood in rapt attention as the dazzling display lit up the nightscape. Amanda didn’t let go of Sarek and he was solaced by her heat and gentle breathing.

 

He received the notice that he would be returning to Vulcan in two weeks’ time. He couldn’t help but feel the slightest pang of regret and sadness but he quelled them down within himself, delving into his work. The notice didn’t state if he would be returning to Earth anytime soon, that his post was being relieved. There was no reason given, but there didn’t really needed one to be given. But he was mostly upset and worried with how Amanda would react to the news especially after whatever had happened on Federation Day. But he had to tell her.

It was during one of their lessons he finally broached the subject.

“Ms. Grayson,” He said, tapping his pencil against the desk. She looked up from her books that she had scattered across his dining table.

“Amanda; ah?” _Yes?_

“I must inform you, I have been recalled. I will be returning to Vulcan in under a month.”

She didn’t reply, just stared blankly at him. Maybe she hadn’t heard him.

“Ish-du veh?” _Did you hear me?_

“Ah.”

He looked her up and down. She was not pleased, and he could feel her feelings shutting down, locking themselves away within her which he did not like.

“Shall we continue?”

“Ah.”

She bent over her books once again and he returned to reading a report, once and awhile correcting her. But he noticed that her pen was shaking just slightly and their goodbye was less than warm. She walked away with her head bowed, hands shoved into deep pockets of her jacket.

She cancelled lessons after that, saying she was busy when really Sarek felt that she was trying to break the friendship that had grown between them before he actually left. It was like a survival technique that Humans had – get some pain now, less later. This is why he kept his emotions under control. But he couldn’t deny himself that he would miss her dreadfully.

 

It was about 2 am a few weeks after Federation Day when Sarek was roused from his bed with his door buzzer going off the hook and banging on the door. He quickly slipped on a shirt and flipped on the viewer. What greeted him was not what he had been expecting.

Amanda was leaning on his door, her hair a knotted mess as if she had been running her hands through it for hours, her mascara in rivers down her face. She was crying on his doorstep, her arms around her shoulders in a one person hug.

He quickly opened his door and Amanda almost fell through, and Sarek was forced to catch her. She was shaking and she looked up at Sarek with swollen eyes.

“I didn’t… want to be alone anymore,” Amanda said, steadying herself against him. And then she completely broke down, clutching at his shirt, and he was smashed with emotions that left him gasping. He sank to the ground with her, sitting with her, playing with her hands, trying to calm her, meanwhile feeling every bit of raw emotion filtering through her fingertips into him. She sat with her head bowed, her shoulders shaking, tears dripping onto the floor. He had never seen so much unrestrained emotion flowing from one person. So much sadness, grief.

Finally he got her to get up and sit on the couch, where she clutched a pillow as he got her a glass of water. She slowly sipped at it, tears still streaming down her face. He sat beside her, watching her every move. Finally she started to speak.

“I can’t imagine my life without you in it anymore,” She said shakily. “You’ve been such… a force and a rock for me to anchor onto these past months.” She sat glumly for a moment, turning the glass in her hands. “I’m so alone here. Among my own people, my race. Both my parents passed on, dad when I was a kid, mom from cancer.” She looked up at the ceiling, trying to deny more tears from falling down her cheeks, but they did not listen. “I have friends but… you… you fascinate me and intrigue me and I don’t think….”

Her shoulders shuddered and she let the tears fall once again. Finally, after more deep breaths, “I don’t think I can truly live without you. You’ve brought so much… joy and life to me that I can’t stand to see you go. I think… I think I’ve fallen for you.”

Sarek was unsure what to say. She had stopped crying, and was staring blankly at a space between focus and unfocus.

“Thank you,” She had finally focused on him.

“Of course.” It was all he could say.

“I didn’t want to be alone,” She moved closer to him, and he could see the tears welling up in her eyes again as she stared at him. “I didn’t want to be left alone with my thoughts. I didn’t want to be away from you for long.” She was coming up to his face, and the tears were spilling over her lashes when she pressed her lips to his.

He had never kissed like this before. Even when having intercourse, Vulcan’s did not kiss the way Humans did, or if they did, it was an extremely strong bond. But he did not pull away; instead he let her kiss him: kiss his mouth, his cheeks, his eyelids, his ears. He could feel the tears running down his own cheeks, transferred from hers to his. He did not react as her hands reached up to his face.

The only thing he could focus on through the roaring, loud, tidal wave of emotions that was _Amanda._

As her hands connected with his face, he was flooded with her love for him, her pounding heart was invading his mind, and he could tell she was becoming desperate – as if kissing him would keep him on Earth. Which was illogical. But now that he knew she felt the same way he felt for her, well how could he leave her?

She kissed him again and this time he kissed back, and he could tell she was smiling under her quivering lips. He brought his hands slowly up to her face and let her feel what he was feeling. She broke the kiss, staring at him as they melded and suddenly the tears were spilling more than ever but she was feeling joy, not sadness anymore.

He connected her with a single word.

_T’hy’la._

And she responded with the same word, the same feeling.

After more touching, kissing, whispering of minds, they laid down on the couch together and just stared into each other’s eyes for what felt like hours. But eventually they fell asleep in each other’s arms and Sarek didn’t even remember that he would be leaving in two days. No, instead everything was Amanda and he was content.

He awoke first, in the embrace of Amanda, her warm breath on his cheek, their legs tangled. He had never slept with anyone like this before. It was amazingly illogical and yet perfect to fit two bodies so close to one another. He didn’t move for a long while, letting the light from the living room window cast its warm glow on her face, still stained with tears. He examined all of her features; the way her eyebrows arched, her mouth was in a constant curve upwards even though she slept deeply, how her eyes moved below her eyelids, causing the eyelashes to flutter on the skin of her cheeks.

He finally extracted himself from her loose grip without waking her and walked barefoot over to the kitchen and turned on the hot water for tea and he set about creating a Vulcan-esque breakfast.

It was half-past nine when she finally roused herself to the smell of hot vegetables.

“Morning,” She said, stretching. She glanced around and noticed where she was and slowly remembered what had happened. She just leaned over the coach edge and smiled at Sarek with a lazy half smile, kicking the shoes she had left on all night off.

He didn’t quite understand why she was so happy after a night of terrible turmoil. But hopefully what he had thought out during his cooking would not bring back that grief. Hopefully it would stem it back for an eternity.

She went to the bathroom to wash up, wiping the makeup that had smeared down her cheeks and Sarek set up breakfast at the table. She returned and sat down, only to move her chair closer to his.

“I wanted to ask you something,” Sarek said, pushing his food around with his fork. She glanced up and looked at him expectantly. “Since I will be leaving Earth in two days, I was wondering.”

He paused, and she narrowed her eyes.

“I was wondering if you would be willing to accompany me.”

She didn’t reply but she stopped eating.

“Because I think last night proves that we have mutual compatibility for each other.” 

“Comp-compatibility?” Amanda raised her eyebrows and started to laugh. “I think we Humans would say we are in love.”

“Hm.” He couldn’t bring himself to really say that, it was too strong of an emotion for a Vulcan that had renounced all emotions. She only laughed and took his hand in her own.

“Are you asking me to marry you?”

“I suppose… that would be the correct assumption,” Sarek said and suddenly Amanda was on top of him, pushing his chair away from the table and she straddled his lap and there were the tears again.

“Yes.”

“Yes to what?” He asked, a bit nonplused by just how quickly she had moved.

“Yes I will marry you and go to Vulcan and live my life with you and have fat half-vulcan children and grow old and crotchety with you.” Amanda laughed, and kissed him.

“I do not think it would be healthy to have fat children,” Sarek said after he broke away.

“Oh shut up,” Amanda said, leaning in closer and capturing his mouth again with her own. He would have broken away to mention that they were both possibly rushing into this very quickly, but he didn’t bother thinking about it too hard. At the moment, he didn’t mind if it was the smart thing to do or not.

And this time she sent the feeling of _T’hy’la_ to him over and over and over until he could barely stand it because they were so connected beyond anything he had experienced.

Breakfast was completely forgotten and they took refuge on the couch again, wrapping each other in an embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly don't know why i wrote this fic its like 28 chapters long jfc.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> End Part 1

At Amanda’s request they were married the next day under Earth Standards in the year 2230, and he hadn’t seen her so pleased and how she forced him to walk around as if parading him. As per his request they did not kiss or touch in public, their extremely new relationship still drawing some lines in the way of intimacy. She just laughed and agreed as long as she could hang onto his arm, which he finally consented to. It was highly unusual for a Human to marry a Vulcan and she seemed pleased with that fact. But as she told him, she ‘didn’t want a fancy event here, I’d rather experience as if for the first time with your culture’ and so they had gone each to their apartments to pack to the journey the next day.

Neither of them appeared to have a lot to pack. Amanda rolled up all her maps and packed her books, her clothes and other small necessities and emailed the school that she was leaving her post, and reassigned her position from Earth to Vulcan with Starfleet in a manner of 4 hours. It was quite the feat. Sarek took more time, making sure he had gathered all the proper paperwork and assembling everything from his office in Starfleet. When he returned to his apartment he found Amanda inside.

“I think the thing I’m going to miss most about Earth is this couch,” She said, running her hands along the back of it and then flopping over the arm onto it and kicking her shoes off. “Too bad it’s Starfleet’s. Otherwise I would force you to bring it to Vulcan with us.”

Sarek just shook his head and continued packing his papers.

That night she slept with him in his bed, playing with his hands until she fell asleep.

The next morning they were in a rush, getting all of their boxes (though not many) into the transporters and then saying farewell to comrades and friends. Finally after it was all done with, they sat together in a transporter but Sarek couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling that Amanda would be upset she was leaving Earth, especially after so little notice.

He turned to her, watching her as she leaned towards the window of the shuttle and watched the ground slowly fall away from them. Finally he asked, “Will you miss it terribly?”

“What, Earth?” She asked, a surprised eyebrow shooting up on her forehead. “I suppose sometimes yes, but I think I am comfortable leaving.”

He sat huffily, disbelieving. Humans always lied about their true feelings and being a Vulcan he neither lied nor let emotion pervade his senses. But this was Amanda and he would prefer it if she were happy. Amanda just laughed at him, knowing exactly what he was thinking. She took his hand in hers and left him feel her inner thoughts and sentiments, and he was engulfed in the heat and joyfulness that was true to Amanda.

“I really believe I’ll be alight with you,” She whispered.

It took two days to get to Vulcan and because Sarek was a diplomat they received some of the best service which seemed to make Amanda both nervous and excited at the same time.

“I’ve never been given such nice things like this before, I just don’t know what to do with myself,” She said, rolling on the bed and grabbing another chocolate. He had refused to eat them which she thought was hilarious for some reason. “It’s like we’re on honeymoon but this is how you’re treated all the time, isn’t it?”

“When in transport, yes I would have to say I am,” Sarek said, looking up at her from over his book. “Do you wish to cease your lesson?” Even on the ship on the way to Vulcan Sarek insisted that she practice her Vulcan even more, especially she would be living there now.

“Ri!” _No._

“Alright, recite irregular verbs in future progressive.” He was met with a groan and then a sigh as she started whipping out the answers. She was a quick learner, he had to admit. But she was soon distracted from her studies when she discovered the viewing lounge. There wasn’t much too actually see, they were in warp 5 after all, but she was enchanted all the same and for the one hour they did drop out of warp, she was glued to the glass, her fingers splayed and her eyes wide.

“We must go on a Stellar Cruise someday,” She said dreamily, watching as the ship orbited a blue-ish grey planet below them as the engines were refueled.

Sarek stood next to her and watched the stars and the blackness that seemed to move around them. “Alright.”

She turned to him, her head resting on the window and reached her hand up, two fingers together and he responded with a Vulcan kiss, their fingers brushing in a silent embrace, and as always she opened her self-up immediately and he was flooded with pure love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so part 1 is done and now I am super shy about posting the RESt D:


	8. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 - Life on Vulcan

Part II: Life on Vulcan

Ha’kiv fi’T’Khasi

Chapter 8

_Earth Winter/Karil 2230_

They arrived on Vulcan and were greeted by some advisors that were close to Sarek. He introduced them to his wife in Vulcan and Amanda smiled gracefully but she was met with a cold hostility. He knew this would happen. They were confused and disconcerted by her. She was a Human in a very non-human environment.

“Kevet-dutar,” _Ambassador,_ They murmured as they walked with him through the halls of the Star Ship port. “Vesht tor du komihn telik po?” _Why did you marry a Human?_

They didn’t realize that Amanda could speak their language – or at least understand it quite well. She turned her head just slightly, watching Sarek from the corner of her eye. He said what was customary, what he had known he would say if the question was asked. He was a Vulcan after all.

“Vesht nam-tor ish-veh olozhikaik,” _It was logical._

He noticed how she turned her head away then and her smile falter just for a moment. He wasn’t sure what to make of the sudden feelings that touched him – confusion and a bit of sharp hurt. She must understand, this was how his society functioned. He pushed her emotions away and continued his quiet conversation with his companions.

They arrived at his house an hour later via shuttle and he was pleased to see how delighted she was.

“Oh my gosh,” She gushed, running her fingers over the traditional Vulcan embroidered cloths that hung on the walls. “This is beautiful.” She danced through the rooms, kicking off her shoes and feeling the cool stone beneath her feet. She particularly was intrigued by the kitchen.

“This is all so fascinating!” She said, shifting the clay pots and plates around, opening up the cupboards that hadn't been opened for a few years. Everything was dusty but she didn't mind it seemed. When he asked her why, she simply said “It gives me the excuse to pull everything out while cleaning it and learn something new.” And he loved her for that.

But that night, over a dinner Sarek prepared (because Amanda was at a loss of how to actually cook plants and roots from Vulcan), he was confronted by her about what he had stated earlier.

“We’re ‘logical’ together?” She asked, stirring the soup with her utensil, staring up at Sarek with her head bowed, eyebrows lifted to view him, giving her an air of intense dislike towards him, though he could tell through their bond that she really wasn’t too upset, just mostly put off.

“Yes,” He said. What else could he say?

“How?”

Sometimes she could be very illogical.

“I am an ambassador,” He said, looking at her with a calm gaze. “I am an ambassador to Earth, to Humans. You are a Human. It is a way for me to connect with your people.”

“Oh, so… this whole… marriage then is just for technical reasons,” Amanda said, dipping her head so he could not see her expression.

“I…” He paused unsure. Her emotions were not bleeding through to him and he was unsure if she was angry with him.

“I’m just kidding!” Amanda laughed, tossing her head up with a giggle, and she kicked him with her bare feet under the table. He almost scowled at her. “I get it. It does make sense. And I guess because well Vulcan… love…,” She laughed again, this time reaching across the table and brushing his hand with hers. Of course they loved each other, but he was much more reluctant to voice it. In fact he felt he never would, instead he relied on their touches, their brief exchanges of thoughts and feelings to tell her he loved her. And amazingly, almost miraculously she completely understood.

“So!” She said, pushing away from the table and grabbing up his bowl and going to the kitchen. “When do we marry? Vulcan method?”

“Whenever you please,” Sarek said, standing and tiding up. He watched her in the kitchen shoving the plates into the sunken hole that was the sink. “This is slightly different than normal Vulcan marriages… since you are not Vulcan.”

“Hm, how so?” She asked, coming back out and leaning against the door frame. She had dressed down from her original formal outfit they had left the shuttle, her hair pulled back with a piece of loose silk, leggings and a loose tank. She obviously was feeling the heat.

“Well, we are not actually able to bond the way most marriages occur,” Sarek started.

“Wait,” Amanda said, her forehead wrinkling in confusion. “Haven’t we already bonded?”

“Yes….” Sarek said slowly, unsure of how he would explain this. He gestured for her to follow him and they retreated out onto the veranda that overlooked a deep valley, the sun beginning its slow decent. He brought out the cushions that had been stored away and Amanda sat down next to him. “Most Vulcan marriages are arranged,” He said, sitting stiffly. She lounged next to him, relaxed and content, which he was able to gather from her bleed through. “At a young age, and mostly it is simply for… biological reasons. I was bonded before.”

“Oh?” Amanda asked. “Why do I always find out things like this after the fact. Next you are going to tell me you have a kid.”

“I do. Only he is no longer a child,” Sarek said, raising an eyebrow and looking down at Amanda.

“Oh my god,” Amanda laughed under her breath. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, quite.”

“Well, what’s his name!” Amanda cried, pushing herself up into a sitting position.

“Sybok.”

“Sybok.” She repeated.

Sarek was intrigued by how she mulled the name around her mouth, how she contemplated this fact. “And I was never married before as a matter of fact.”

“What?”

“I never married Sybok’s mother.”

“Oh?” Amanda seemed a bit confused. Perhaps he shouldn’t have gotten into his personal history with her just yet. But at the same time, it needed to be said. There was a pause as he waited for her next question, which he could feel brimming. “How old is Sybok?”

“Six.”

She didn’t say anything for a while, simply thinking it over. He was sure that this was odd for her, being Human, being a creature of connection, while Vulcans tried to remove that sense. But he didn’t think he could do that with her.

“So how is this going to work? The marriage,” Amanda finally asked.

“Most likely it will be a combination of the Kan-Telan or Child Bonding ceremony and the Kun-ut Kali-fi, or the ritual for… Pon Farr,” Sarek paused. His deepest upbringings of shame against Pon Farr fighting him to even mention the words to his T’hy’la but she would know soon enough he supposed. He gathered himself again, “I will bond with you and you will place your hands as if bonding with me.”

“Oh?” Amanda sat up straight a flicker running between of extreme interest and perhaps mischievousness. “You’d better show me how.” She said grinning. He stiffened for a moment, but she was not a Vulcan, she was not any Human, she was his.

“Alright,” He said, turning towards her and lifting his right hand up and spread the fingers like he was about to touch her face. She mimicked him, her eyebrows creasing. “Now place it here, on these points,” He said tapping his face in the appropriate places. She did so and they connected as they had done before on the couch in the middle of the night, and he knew she could feel it. She smiled at him, and then dropped her hand slowly, running a single finger down his cheek.

“We’re watching the sunset together,” She murmured, not even looking out over the golden mountains. She let the finger stop over his lips and then sat on her knees and leaned up to kiss him in the Human fashion. He could tell she found it all terribly romantic so he let her do it. He was just pleased that he was receiving the warmth that was Amanda in full flow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you wouldn't believe the amount of math i had to put into this story


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a freaking hard chapter to write but THE LATER ONES ARE EVEN HARDER

Sarek arranged the ceremony for the following week, and he returned to his diplomatic duties, filling out forms, signing and writing documents, just as he always did. Amanda was listless the first week: he would come home to find her cooking up a mess in the kitchen, trying to find out how Vulcan roots worked, or he wouldn’t find her at all, only to have her return from long walks hours later in the evening – seemingly lost track of time. He would have to help her find work because he could tell she was unsatisfied with just a sedentary life. She was too full of curiosity, the thirst for adventure too strong for her to just sit at home. But it would have to wait for their marriage.

And the morning of, he was ushered from his own house as about five Vulcan women made their appearance, helping Amanda ready herself for the midday ceremony. Sarek busied himself in his office for the first few hours, toiling over a terribly dull Report from the ambassador on Delta IV, until about two hours when he began to get ready for the ceremony.

It was to be held at the Arena as always, and the High Master was there before Sarek, awaiting their arrival in flowing robes. He stood by the gong waiting for Amanda to join them. Some of his coworkers arrived to view the bonding as witnesses – though he could tell they were also secretly interested in both the Human and how this would actually go about. He couldn’t blame them, this was surely a very interesting process for them – it was for him.

He watched as Amanda approached, dressed in robes of deep purple and looking very uncomfortable in the heat, she was glancing around at the audience a small smile of uneasiness on her face. She was nervous, he could tell as her bond fluctuated and fluttered about with mixed emotions, making him feel as if he were nervous – it was disconcerting. The Vulcan marriage drums began and Amanda almost jumped but then she laughed lightly and well… Sarek looked around carefully and could see the other Vulcans turning to stare at each other in confusion. Certainly no one had ever laughed at such an important ceremony.

She approached the gong and gave Sarek a quick grin, rolling her eyes at her own actions. She knew that she had possibly made a faux pas, but she controlled herself and stood before Sarek in solemn silence. And so the ceremony began.

Spoken in all traditional Golic, Sarek was sure much of it was lost of Amanda but she closed her eyes and let the words wash over her. He watched her, ignoring most of the words until he was queued.

The High Master began her speech with the Child Bonding (again, this was a strange and slightly backwards situation), “Greetings to everyone present. We are gathered on these sands for the bonding of Sarek and Amanda.” The name came out thick and slightly heavy with her accent; Amanda’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Sarek, are you prepared for bonding?”

“I am.”

“Amanda, are you prepared for bonding?”

“I am.” Good, she had understood perfectly and her Vulcan was almost flawless. She was a good student.

The High Master beckoned for Sarek and Amanda to place their hands on each other, and then she started the chanting: “Our minds, one and together . . . Touching, yet not touching; apart, yet never apart . . .”

Sarek repeated her, and then watched as Amanda coolly did so too, opening her eyes to stare at Sarek. He initiated the bond and whispered across to her in ancient words, reaffirming the _T’hy’la_ and he could feel her whispering it back and they were enveloped within each other’s minds and souls.

Finally after what felt like blissful hours, but really had been minutes, Sarek said quietly: “We are one.”

The High Master raised her hands, “What you are about to see comes down from the time of the Beginning. This is the Vulcan heart, this is the Vulcan soul -- this is our way. Kali farr! _Time of challenge!_ ” After a reasonable pause and having received no challenge, Sarek rung the ceremonial gong to signal the marriage ceremony to begin. There had been no challenge and Sarek had not been expecting one, but for whatever reason there was a strange sigh of relaxation from Amanda over the bond; yet it would have been her to make the challenge – no one else. Sarek tilted his head just the slightest bit trying to discern her sudden relief.

The High Master obviously noticed nothing and began to finish the ceremony, “The bonding has succeeded . . .” Amanda and Sarek removed their hands from each other, and turned to the High Master. “When the pon farr comes, you will return to this place for the kun-ut kali-fi. Peace and long life.”

Both Sarek and Amanda murmured to the High Master, “Live long and prosper.” And with that the drumming ended and the marriage ceremony was finished. Amanda seemed surprised.

“That was quick,” She whispered to Sarek as they moved out of the Arena, a few Vulcans stopping them and wishing them long life. “Considering the preparation I had to go through for this. They were singing and washing me and dressing me and doing my hair for hours,” She laughed.

“It is part of cleansing,” Sarek said. “I must say I was very pleased with you pronunciation.”

“I am forever a grateful student,” Amanda curtsied as they entered the transport to the formal dinner Sarek had arranged.

As they sat, she brushed her fingers along Sarek’s, and stared absently out of the shuttle windows, watching the rocky landscape flash past. He, however, was being swamped by her content feelings of happiness – undiluted by anything. If he had to describe how her feelings came across he would have likened them to somewhat of a cat in the summer sun, warming itself and purring till everything was vibrating. It was beautiful.

“I have to ask you,” Sarek suddenly interrupted the silence as he remembered that sense of release. “When the call to challenge was not acted upon I felt that you were relieved. Why?”

“Ah, well,” Amanda laughed softly, leaning her head back against the shuttle seat and lazily looking at Sarek. She had pulled off the headscarf – she was still adjusting the heat of Vulcan and he could tell she was not all too pleased with the robes she was wearing. Her dark hair flowed over her shoulders and he was tempted to reach up and touch it. “In a Human marriage ceremony, there is also a time called for challenge.”

“Oh?” He did reach up and twisted a few strands which made the bond between spark as Amanda’s feelings peaked. She was always happiest when he initiated a physical touch.

“But instead of the Bride challenging the marriage, it’s actually anyone who opposes the marriage and well… I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t a bit apprehensive of someone opposing our union. Of course on Earth it’s kept in just for tradition, I haven’t ever heard of it happening. But, we’re different.”

“You really expect a Vulcan to stop the ceremony?” Sarek asked raising an eyebrow.

“Are you teasing me?” Amanda asked in a mock horrified tone. “I can’t believe you.” And then she laughed, and took his hand from her hair and played with it.

The dinner was uneventful except for Amanda exclaiming quite loudly over the food and how much she was enjoying it. Many of the Vulcans in the restaurant just raised their eyebrows and ignored the newlyweds and Sarek had to bow his head a few times to control himself from actually rolling his eyes at her. They had acquired a table in the far corner though so they were mostly hidden from the rest of the patrons of the restaurant.

Amanda likened it to a Japanese restaurant she had been to once, except that it was not outside, which she found quite delightful and dreadful all at the same time due to the heat. All the seating was actually cushions on the ground, surrounding a rectangular table. Many Vulcans simply sat as if meditating, their backs stiff and straight, eating the food delicately as not to get any on their hands.

Many Vulcans came to their table and wished them long lives, recognizing their robes as ceremonially ones but they were always disconcerted as Amanda thanked them in almost perfect Vulcan. Sarek couldn’t help but feel a bit proud of his student and now wife.

As the sun set, Amanda leaned up against Sarek and watched the golden rays hit the rocky landscape casting interesting shadows and she would reach out her hand and point to certain land markers, asking him about them. At first he was uncomfortable having her being so casual in public but he relaxed because this was, for her, her wedding night and he had learned that Human’s had it be a very strong and powerful meaning to them and impactful to their lives. They sat in private, sharing a dish of something sweetish (though there was nothing with actual sucrose on Vulcan except in dingy eateries and still Amanda would laugh at the idea of Sarek becoming intoxicated by sugar – he simply ignored her) and watched as the stars began to shine down.

Finally they retired, returning to their transport and headed home. Amanda continued to look up at the night sky, she loved the planetary companion being so close to Vulcan and she put her fingers up against the glass as if she were able to touch it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok the next chapter, the rating of this fic changes beCAUSE i apparently hated myself and wrote..... like seriously tame smut. Nothing really happens in it, so if you want to skip it GO AHEAD.
> 
> (i'm trash at writing anything involving sex)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [screams]  
> god damn it i love amanda and sarek so much

The warm breeze fluttered the soft white curtains in their room, creating an almost magical effect as the pale yellow light from the moon glinted on the glass tables and mirrors. Amanda led the way into the bedroom, pulling at Sarek’s hand gently, pulling off the outer robe of her ceremonial outfit off and letting it fall the stone floor. She pulled him over to the open windows, and pushed one aside, surveying the wild and empty landscape around their private home.

Sarek moved behind her, allowing himself to be guided by both her touch and her thoughts. He closed his eyes as she wrapped his arms around her shoulders, leaning back into him and looking up at the rotating sky. He let her invade his thoughts and permeate his emotions, allowing the warmth that was Amanda to seep into him, wrap around his katra, _soul._ She swayed against him, and then brought one of his hands up to push at the collar of the purple robe, telling him silently she wanted this. Amanda was sending sparking emotions, flashes and flickers, almost what felt like small firecrackers within him.

Slowly, they undressed each other and Sarek showed her how tactile Vulcans could be in intimate situations, his fingers tracing over her jawline, down her neck and dancing over her smooth collarbone. She began to tug at his robes, and her touch was with lips, mouth as she kissed his shoulders, his hands, his mouth.

The wind blew through the room, tossing her hair into her face, and she laughed softly as he brushed it away and leaned down and kissed her for what felt like the first time. His hands tangled in her hair and he felt her cheeks flush and she brought up her hand to his neck, leaning into his chest, with still some layers of fabric separating them. She continued to pull off his robes, but broke the kiss to mutter about how anyone would wear this many layers on a desert planet, this style would be more suited for Siberia, but finally their clothes were off and forgotten on the floor and she was kissing him again. He could feel the arousal within her, hot over the connection, hot and comforting at the same time. He wondered briefly if she could feel his.

He paused to simply look at her, his gaze tracing the smooth line that was her waist, the very slight jut of a hipbone, and her dark hair on pale skin. She in turn ran her fingers up his chest, stopping over where a Human heart would be. She smiled softly, which confused him – would not she find it somewhat alarming, not finding a heartbeat?

“Show me your heartbeat,” She asked, looking up at him. He moved her hand to his right side, just to where his ribcage ended and let her press her hand, feeling the faint, but fast beat. She sighed contentedly and leaned her forehead on his chest, and he could hear the drumming of her heart, not through sound, but instead over the bond.

“T’hy’la,” Sarek murmured to her, burying his face in her neck and kissing her softly, and then he moved her slowly to the low bed.

“My love,” She whispered back, her smile playing on her lips as she lowered herself on the bed, pulling him down with her and they sat together, legs tangled, their touches soft as the warm breeze.

She moved to him, wrapping her legs around his waist and settled herself with a quiet sigh, while he tangled his fingers again in her hair, his other hand wandering her waist and back. They rocked together, breath coming heavier, fingers and mouths moving more frantically. He could smell the salt on her skin as he breathed heavily, feeling her fingers tug at his hair.

“Sarek,” She whispered breathlessly, and it came out slow and languid, as she pressed her cheek to his, a small light moan escaping. He felt her grip on his back and neck tightened.

As her pace gained, she moved so that she was able to look up into Sarek’s eyes and he into the warm brown depths of hers. She put her hands on either side of his face, her thumbs swirling in small circles, and it was like a feedback loop for him, his lust mixed with her own, almost a bit overwhelming – it was making it hard for him to focus on solely her. 

Her mouth was open, ragged breaths coming in and out but he couldn’t help but cause more lack of oxygen to the brain by leaning down quickly and catching her mouth in a kiss. He was being very illogical, but he didn’t let himself worry about it. She kissed back clumsily, and he could feel she was rising, roaring upwards. Her hands started to grapple with him, until lodging themselves back around his neck and into his hair. But the entire time she kept her eyes open and focused on Sarek, and he watched the brown deepen and flux.

As she built up, so did he though at a slower pace. Her rolling hips turned to rough stutters, and finally she broke eye contact with Sarek to fall upon his shoulder and actually bite him. He could feel the smile through the bite, but her emotions and hormones were a raging mess and he was beginning to lose himself. And he did as she let out a deep, but quiet moan, her fingernails digging into his back, her hips stilling, her thighs quivering. The loop feedback was really becoming too much but he loved it. He wondered if Amanda was experiencing it too.

She clung to him as now he moved, and it wasn’t long before his climax was upon him and his answer to the question was answered as Amanda stiffened again, and there was a shocked little cry from her and it was she was scrambling for purchase on his back and he heard her swear under her breath.

They fell apart only to tangle their legs on the bed, Sarek staring into Amanda’s sweaty face, a grin plastered on it.

“That was a bit unexpected,” She giggled.

“I did not know if you would experience that,” Sarek admitted. “And for me it was… more intense because you cannot shield your emotions from me.”

Amanda rolled on her back and stretched, her toes curling. “That was… oh gosh.”

“I do not know what you mean,” Sarek’s forehead wrinkled in confusion. “Are you satisfied?”

“Oh dang,” Amanda laughed rolling back to him. She poked him in the chest, “Duh.”

“Duh?”

“Obviously.”

“Ah.”

“You need to learn some bedside manners,” Amanda laughed again, and then harder as Sarek narrowed his eyes.

Apparently, Amanda became very active after pleasure, talking and moving about for a good solid half hour in which Sarek simply sat on the bed and listened to her chatter, once in a while intervening to ask a clarifying question on her vernacular. But he was mostly content just to watch her. She was tactile as ever, touching his hands, his face and even playing with the tips of his ears which he found interesting as she said there were rumors that they were an erogenous zone, but really, they were just ears.

But after her chatter and over all hyper activity, she suddenly curled up next to him, and fell fast asleep. He lay with her, watching her slow breathing, the way her lips were swollen now and the soft pink bruises he had scattered across her neck. He toyed with her hair, and touched her finger tips with his own, giving her a light Vulcan kiss.

It was early morning by the time he was asleep, her arms flung across his chest, one of his hands in her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok thats like it aha


	11. Chapter 11

He awoke to the sound of rushing water and the scent of flowery shampoo. The sun was shining brightly into the room, the wind hot and dry against his skin. After a moment to relish what had happened last night he stood and moved to the bathroom, its slate floors cool against his bare feet. She was in the shower, the steam fogging up the glass, and he couldn’t help but stop and watch her for a moment.

“You can join me,” Amanda suggested, turning to see him in the doorway.

“No, I don’t think I have time for that,” Sarek replied, moving to the sink and washing his face, fixing his bangs in the mirror.

“Why must you go to work?” She asked, shutting off the water and reached for the towel that hung just outside of the shower.

“Why would I not?” Sarek did not understand Human sentiments.

“Because,” Amanda sighed, stepping out of the shower and walked up to Sarek, looking at him in the mirror. “We’re newlyweds.”

“I do not see why this would change my mind about going to work,” Sarek said back to her in the mirror. “It would be illogical; today is just the same as the others.”

“Oh my god!” Amanda smacked him lightly on the shoulder, laughing at him. “Bedside manners, I ask you!”

“I still do not know what you mean by that,” Sarek raised an eyebrow at her, still looking at her in the mirror.

“Never mind,” Amanda sighed again, squeezing the water out of her hair. She paused and then spun back around to Sarek. “Can you find me a job?”

“I was going to,” Sarek said.

“I just… I can’t be a housewife. I’ve never been a housewife; I doubt I’ll ever be one. Maybe I can work in the Starfleet Embassy or something. I need to expand and envelope your culture and I think the best way to do that is to work within the environment. I just can’t be here for too long without working my mind, you know?”

He closed his eyes and let his mouth turn up just the slightest bit; of course he knew how she felt. “I believe that is one reason why I am going to work today,” He said, and then he felt her arms winding their way around his chest.

“I love it when you smile,” She murmured into his back, kissing his spine.

 

He left her looking over available Starfleet positions, and he went to the Embassy and asked around for a possibly job for her there. Otherwise his day was uneventful and he found himself losing focus, reaching through the bond (though it was stretched thin with the distance) and he could just barely sense Amanda. He took comfort in her as he plodded through his papers and reports.

He returned early afternoon, the sun beating down on the desert planet. When he entered the house, it was to find all of his own books and Amanda’s scattered across every surface, including the floor. Narrowing his eyes he stepped gingerly around the books, lifting his robes and glancing around for Amanda. He found her on the low futon-like couch, more books and her computer next to her, and she herself was lying on her back, hair falling over the edge of the couch.

“Hi!” She said, sitting up and tossing the book she had been flipping through off to the side.

“Hello…?” He posed it as a question, his hand gesturing at the mess displayed around him. “Vesht pavesh-tor la’ ra?” _What happened here?_

“Oh this?” Amanda giggled at the mess she had created in about two rooms. “Vesht saven-tor nash-veh velar natya nash-veh,” _I was teaching myself different things,_ “How was work?”

“It was as expected, I am afraid I did not receive an offer for your employment,” Sarek said, settling himself down on the couch next to Amanda, moving a few books onto the already covered glass table.

Amanda gave him an impish grin, and sprawled out with her head resting on his lap, her fingers toying with his sleeves. “I think I found one.”

“Do elaborate.”

“I was thinking – and talking to Starfleet – I don’t really want to give up teaching, so what if I helped teach Standard and Human cultures to Vulcan children?” She asked her eyes bright and wanting approval as she stared up at Sarek. He looked down at her, one of his hands absently winding their way through her hair.

“That appears to be logical,” He murmured, but he was answered with a frown. “What is it?”

“Logical?” She dropped her hands from his sleeve. “I think it’s brilliant.”

Sarek looked down at her for another moment, watching her stare back up at him. “I wouldn’t disagree.” And he was met with a small smile, Amanda closing her eyes and beginning her tactful play on the fabric of his sleeve. “Tell me what you were teaching yourself today.”

“Muhl,” _Well,_ Amanda said, sitting up and pulling some books about her. “More Vulcan culture, history – got that from your books. And then I found the beeswax and well, I made some ha’feklar.” _Candles._

Sarek glanced around to see the kitchen clean, but covered in a couple dozen wax tapers. Interesting.

“I’m supposing you will need to begin work soon,” Sarek suggested, raising an eyebrow prominently down at his wife now playing with his hand.

“Yes please!” She groaned, dropping his hand to rub her eyes vigorously.

“Should I prepare dinner?” Sarek asked, starting to stand up, but Amanda refused to move.

“Not yet,” She grabbed him by his collar and pulled herself up, her face very close to his so he could feel the breath on his skin. He stared at her. She had a wicked smile playing on her lips and her eyes darted sparks. “I’m not hungry yet.”

            Making love outside of the bedroom was odd for him, but apparently normal for her so he let her do as she will. And soon this became a common occurrence after a work day, when the sun was setting and the heat of the desert was vaporizing and rising, leaving a cooling breeze in its wake. She would come up from behind; tugging at his robes, or perhaps dragging him down on top of her when they sat side by side on the couch or even in the shower once or twice.

Her libido was surprising for a human he had to admit, not that he minded all that much. When he mentioned this fact to her, she acted offended and said she was simply his social experiment which had left him sitting confused before she allowed her true emotions to hit him hard in the face over the bond – of course she was teasing.

She called this period of never ending enjoyment the Honeymoon period, some Earth tradition he was unfamiliar with when it came to the particulars. She seemed pleased and content, starting her hand at Vulcan cooking, though admitting she really wasn’t all that great at cooking to begin with, and that dinner she had made on Federation Day had simply been luck. He was fine with doing the cooking if need be.

And soon her mood increased more as a position was found for her in the lower grades of a Vulcan academy. Her joyfulness, her excitement seemed to be wearing off on Sarek just a tiny bit because he caught himself once or twice with the corners of his mouth turning upwards as he watched Amanda reading up on her Vulcan studies or walking about outside, her hair covered in a scarf, eyes beholden for something new and exciting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :/ :/ :/ i'm so shy posting this fic


	12. Chapter 12

_Earth Spring/Sikar 2230_

Now in the mornings their morning rituals were mostly synched. Amanda started running, getting her body stronger with the slightly heavier pull from gravity, and she complained constantly about it.

“I use to be able to run a mile in 10 minutes, but now it’s almost torturous,” She said, collapsing at the kitchen table and whipping off the headscarf she had tied around her hair like a headband. “Now I’m at a 20 and up average! Just to run two miles it’s taking me 40 minutes.”

“Your body will become accustom to the gravity eventually,” Sarek said, setting down the theris or Vulcan tea which Amanda had taken a liking to. “You are doing the logical thing in training your body.”

“Yeah but it _sucks_ ,” Amanda sighed, laying her head down on the cool table top. “It doesn’t help it’s almost constantly 35 degrees Celsius.” He let her rant these mornings out because he knew it was a coping mechanism.

She had been working with the Vulcan children now for a little under a month, and Sarek was pleased to see it was keeping her busy. She would come home and open up her dictionaries, looking up cultural references the children had made in Vulcan, trying to understand them more. And she talked about them constantly.

“You will not believe what T’Pao was telling me today about what she’s learning in her other classes. I don’t think any Human children are learning some of the things they are at this age.” Or “You know they have mediation right after my class, so I’m one of the people to observe and it’s just so fascinating! Maybe you could teach me.” or “Sek was talking about a game called Kal-toh, think you could show me?” To which Sarek stared at her for the last one because he was not about to start that endeavor.

Sarek continued his work in the Embassy, but he would meet Amanda at the Academy because as she did on Earth, she enjoyed staying late, working on her next lesson. Even though the desks were no longer in her classroom, Amanda had still pasted many of her posters on the walls which Sarek was sure confused the children and Amanda admitted the first day they had stood around and just contemplated the pictures on the walls of planets they already knew about.

Sarek entered her classroom, finding Amanda lying face first on the table, her arms outstretched.

“Tonk’peh,” _Hello_ , Sarek greeted her, setting down the coffee that the Starfleet base provided for offworlders.

“Hey,” Amanda sighed, sitting up and rubbing her temples as she took the coffee.

“Is everything alright?” He could feel that she was distressed or just simply put off. He wasn’t sure what.

“No not really,” Amanda scowled, glaring at Sarek. “Just… these children don’t seem to have that much _life_ in them.”

“I do not… grasp your meaning,” Sarek tilted his head just slightly. Life? They were alive were they not?

“I’m just… so many Vulcans,” Amanda muttered, putting her head down on the table again, spinning the cup of coffee in circles. “And this includes you.”

“I still do not understand the issue,” Sarek felt a stab of worry – was she angry with him?

“I just, I need some emotions around me,” Amanda said softly into her arm; she obviously felt a bit ashamed of her own annoyance. “Everyone is the damn same here.”

“You are homesick,” Sarek suddenly realized, and he sighed. He had been expecting it.

“No!” Amanda contradicted loudly. “I am not _home_ sick, I’m _human_ sick, _emotion_ sick.” She suddenly stood up, walking around her classroom. “I know you can’t really fix it and I know I could just go the Starfleet base or the embassy but that’s not enough! I’m surrounded by children who use _logic_ on me. Human children don’t even _get_ what logic is at their age.” She was pacing rapidly, one hand gesturing in sharp movements, the other pressing against her head. He could feel a tidal wave of emotions coming at him and he almost threw up every block he had against her, but then he decided he should know exactly what she was feeling. “And my coworkers – _god._ They just… frustrate me so much and for no good reason. And I just would seriously kill for a day when it’s below 30 degrees, I swear I’m constantly sweating and my head hurts and _you_ drive me crazy sometimes.” And the tears were flowing freely down her face now and a month’s pent up frustration of harsh transition was finally catching up to Amanda.

Sarek watched her stand and sob for a moment, and the upsurge of horrible emotions crashed in on him and he almost lost his balance. And to both their surprise, his first reaction was striding over quickly to her and gathering her up in his arms. She clutched at him as she had done the night when they thought they would be apart, but now the tears were not from sadness but from frustration and loneliness.

After a while of Sarek breathing carefully and steadily so that he would not break under her emotional load, Amanda pushed him away, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “I get annoyed with you and then you go and do something like that. You make me mad.” He furrowed his brow at her in confusion, to which he was met with a cracked and shaky laugh.

“Let’s walk home, alright?” Amanda asked, moving slowly to her desk and shoving papers into it and grabbing up the coffee. She glanced up at Sarek, and then laughed with her head thrown back, eyes closed: obviously fed up with herself. “I’m so dumb. I’m sorry.”

“There is no need to apologize,” Sarek said and he leaned down and kissed her gently on the cheek – obviously her emotions were messing with him. She took a pause, her hand resting on his shoulder and her eyes closed. He watched her carefully.

“Alright let’s go,” She said abruptly, opening her eyes and grabbing his arm to drag him out of the classroom.

It was as if they were back on Earth on one of their evening strolls to the park but instead of a red and purple sunset they were greeted with a greenish hue that Amanda likened to aurora borealis’. She walked with her head on his shoulder, obviously not caring much about Vulcan etiquette, but he did not stop her.


	13. Chapter 13

The first time he ever felt something over the bond strongly when he was far away from his T’hy’la had him almost flying out of his seat and running for her, because it was an awful, confusing, disorienting feeling that crashed in on him during a meeting of all places. He actually did stand up abruptly and the other Ambassadors all stared at him, and the one human mouthed ‘what the hell’ to his companion next to him. Sarek took a moment, breathing through the feelings and emotions of loneliness and confusion that were piling up against him, making it hard to focus, to even see right.

“I am sorry but I must leave,” Sarek said, straightening out his robe.

“Whatever for?” The Angorian ambassador asked.

“An emergency,” And without letting another person delay him, Sarek was out of the door as quickly as he could without running.

As he walked to the school quickly, the dizziness faded in and out, along with a sense of nausea but the nagging worry and fear were still strong and pulling him towards the Academy. When he arrived they informed him she was in the main office area, taking a moment.

He entered the room and found her sitting on a cushion; head bowed over a glass of water.

“Amanda,” He said quietly, kneeling down beside her. She jumped, her eyes wide and slightly swollen.

“What are _you_ doing here?” She asked, obviously startled, but still gave him the flash of a weak smile.

“I could tell something was wrong,” He said, looking into the brown depths, now looking more exhausted than ever.

“I… really? Weren’t you in the Embassy?” Amanda seemed more perplexed about this irrelevant fact than the one where she was actually ill.

“Yes,” Sarek said, raising his eyebrows to signal he wasn’t about to get into the logistics of Vulcan bonds with her.

“Right,” She muttered, turning her head back to the glass of water and swirled it around once. “I don’t know, maybe the flu or something.”

“Tell me exactly what happened.”

“I passed out.”

He glared at her; he could tell she was avoiding saying more.

“I threw up then I passed out.”

“Do you know the reason?”

“Obviously not!” She snapped at him. “If I did I probably wouldn’t be looking like crap right now would I.”

“I apologize. Should I take you to a physician?”

“I’m just glad you’re here,” Amanda murmured, leaning over to rest her head on his shoulder and sighing deeply but shakily.

“I think it would be prudent if I took you home,” Sarek murmured to her, placing his hands under her arms and helping her up. She looked more fed up with herself at this point than ill, but he wasn’t going to risk anything.

In the shuttle back, she leaned against him, her breathing slow and controlled. He watched her for a moment, and then turned towards the window. The sun was still up high in the sky, just past midday.

“Sarek,” Amanda suddenly whispered, holding up her hands and counting her fingers. “Oh my god.”

“Ra?” _What?_

“Yes, let’s get a doctor to look me over,” She murmured again, and then slammed her mouth shut, as well as her emotions towards him. She wasn’t going to reveal anything until she had confirmation of whatever she thought. Well then.

He sent a message to his personal physician and he agreed to meet them at the house. Amanda actually managed to fall asleep on his shoulder, but she was restless, her fingers playing a little dance on her lap. He placed his own hand on top of hers, stilling them because they made him anxious and he did not like the feeling of anxiety.

He roused her gently and let her walk arm and arm into the house, and he set her down on the couch with another glass of water. She sipped it carefully, but then impatiently watched the door, waiting for the doctor to arrive. Sarek wasn’t sure what to do with himself, she was obviously too absorbed to focus on him and he was getting no feedback on what may be wrong so he busied himself by calling the members at the meeting and apologizing for leaving so abruptly, every once in a while glancing over at his wife sitting straight backed and intent on the door.

When Dr. Solek actually arrived, Amanda was first to the door, ushering him in in almost perfect Vulcan, which seemed very disconcerting for the poor Vulcan, who stared up at Sarek where he sat at the dining table with PADD in hand. Sarek just raised an eyebrow suggesting that he really had no idea what was going on and that Solek should just deal directly with Amanda. Solek got the message and turned his entire focus on the Human still chattering away at him. She motioned him to follow her into the bedroom, where Sarek was obviously not meant to listen in. He sighed.

 

Sarek sat at his table calmly. No need to worry. Amanda and the doctor would reenter shortly and all would be explained. But despite the logical reasons for staying calm, he couldn’t help but try and sense Amanda. But she was much better at shielding herself from him when she wanted to.

So he continued his typing and quick jottings down of notes.

But it was almost an hour later and after a cup of theris when Amanda and Dr. Solek finally emerged. Sarek rose, thanked the doctor and saluted him out of his house as quickly as he could without being rude.

Finally he turned around rapidly, hand still on the door handle behind him and stared at his wife.

Who was sitting on the couch and flipping through articles on the PADD as if everything was perfectly fine and the doctor hadn’t just spent the better part of the afternoon locked up in the bedroom. Sarek wanted to let out a heavy sigh, his exasperation almost getting the better of him. Humans could be so infuriating some times.

“Will you care to explain?” Sarek finally let go of the door and moved to the couch. Amanda glanced up at him from over the tablet and then shrugged. He glared down at her. “I believe I have the right to know. First I leave a quite important meeting to find you ill and then you ask for my physician _after_ you said you did not require one, which when he came you have continued this secrecy – even after almost an hour long visit. Therefore, I must say, I demand you to tell me what is happening.”

“I love it when you get worked up.”

“I am not ‘worked up’; I simply feel I should know what is happening to my wife.”

Amanda sat up, knees on the couch so she was nearly eye level with him. “You are worked up. You’re all flustered and worried.” She smiled up at him and took his hand in her own. “And I love it. I love you”

Sarek was suddenly confused. The emotions that were coming across to him from her were warm and excited, not worried or cold with fear. “I don’t understand,” He hesitated, lifting up the clasped hands to examine them. “This morning you did not feel… this way.”

“That’s because I know what’s wrong with me!” Amanda chuckled at Sarek’s very Vulcan confusion. “Oh Sarek, I just love teasing you.”

“I wish for you to desist as I must say this secrecy is making me slightly anxious.”

Again, Amanda laughed and leaned up so she kissed Sarek gently on the mouth. Then she pulled away and placed her hands on either said of his face with a small smile. “I’m pregnant.”

Sarek just looked at her.

“I’m with child?” Amanda tried again, squinting her eyes, trying to discern his reaction. “You are going to be a father. Sa-mekh?” She stared back at him.

He wasn’t entirely sure what to think when it was announced that Sybok’s mother was with child, he had dismissed it as simply a way of life – his offspring carrying half his genes. But this was different, Amanda was different, and therefore their child would be different.

As he stared at her, he could see the Human worry behind her expressive eyes. He had to convey in some way to her that he was happy, that the emotion was filling him up but he was Vulcan and he was unsure how he would do this.

“I…,” He began slowly, bringing one of his hands up to her own on his face. “I find this news very pleasing.”

And of course she knew what he meant, that he was astonished and in awe, that he was very happy indeed and that he was Vulcan and even with this news he would barely break composure except for the half smile he gave her and she grinned back. She kissed him hard now, hands still on his face, but moving, touching; sending the words of love and soul repeatedly into him as she initiated a bond.

“Make love to me, Sarek,” She whispered into his mouth. And they moved back to their bedroom and they didn’t leave for the rest of the day.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the hiatus. My computer broke over Christmas and I didn't get a new one till January and then I didn't set it up with all of my data till mid January and then I had a final exam coming up and basically yes hello this fic is not dead pls enjoy

Amanda explained later that she and the physician had been discussing “hybrid” pregnancy and offspring and that it might be prudent to have him come to the house every two weeks or so for a checkup until they were out of the “danger zone”.

Which had been a good idea.

Sarek knew that Vulcan women when pregnant experience irrational episodes of emotions in the first few months due to an increase in hormones but after a few weeks and much meditation, their behavior would return to normal. But Human pregnancy was something Sarek had never experienced nor researched in depth and especially a Human pregnant with a half-alien embryo.

Almost every morning, Sarek awoke to the sound of Amanda retching in the bathroom.

“It’s perfectly normal,” She said, watching him lean against the bathroom door in the mirror as she brushed her teeth. He simply raised an eyebrow at her. Sarek did not believe it was normal to be throwing up so much that her bones started jutting out of her skin.

He knew it was because DNA and chromosomes were conflicting within her, her body viewing the foreign invader now growing within her as a parasite and taking it to the extreme. But she would wave away his worry and conceal her thinness in Vulcan robes and dresses she had taken to wearing.

Dr. Solek was reluctant to give her any drugs to help the nausea simply because he had personally never dealt with a half-alien pregnancy before and did not want to cause harm to mother or child. Unnecessary risk meant more morning sickness.

Sarek kept a close eye on her when they were not at their respectful jobs. He couldn’t help but feel anxious when they sat at dinner and she only ate a few mouthfuls or would fall asleep much earlier than was usual for her. He could see her forcibly being cheerful, but her hands shook just a tiny bit all the time now.

But then, one morning he awoke not to her throwing up once more but instead to the smell of fresh vegetables being sautéed. He rose and got dressed quickly.

“I see you are making breakfast,” he said as he entered the dining area.

“Yeah I know, strange right?” She said, shifting the pan over the open flame. “Woke up, didn’t throw up and suddenly I felt famished.”

“That’s an improvement,” Sarek commented as he entered the kitchen to observe her. She rarely cooked, even after a few months on Vulcan, still nervous about the vegetables.

She was till in her sleeping wear or ‘pajamas’, even though the sun was fully risen. Sarek raised an eyebrow at her attire.

“I’m going to school late. I haven’t felt this good in almost two months, I don’t want to work myself to death.”

“I do not think teaching children is perilous to your very life.”

Amanda laughed, shaking her head. “A hyperbole.”

“I see.”

“Go sit down,” Amanda commanded, forcing Sarek out of the kitchen with a gentle shove to the small of his back. Sarek left and waited patiently, letting the hot wind blow through an open window onto him. He watched her from where he sat. He did not like how malnourished she appeared. Even with the cotton tank top on, he could see where her ribs protruded compared to the soft flesh of stomach – almost all gone. But perhaps this part would be over and she would be able to return to a healthy weight once again.

She brought over two bowels of the vegetable mix she had made, along with a cup of tea for him, and French roast for herself (they had finally acquired a bag of ground coffee through Starfleet). Sarek lifted his eyebrows again at the black drink in her hand.

“Sh,” Amanda said, sipping at it.

“I said nothing.”

“You were thinking it.”

“The doctor recommended against caffeine.”

Amanda took another long sip, staring over her mug as if daring Sarek to continue. Finally, “First day, feeling good. First day in a month with coffee. I think I deserve one cup. Anyway what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

“I am not entirely sure if that is an accurate –“

“Oh shut up and eat,” Amanda bossed, a grin playing on her lips.

 

It was a few weeks later when Sarek was awoken to Amanda shaking him (it still surprised him that now she was the early riser). He rolled over and blinked up at her, excitement rushing through their bond.

“Look!” Amanda said as Sarek sat up in the bed and watched her lift the light cotton shirt over her abdomen (he was pleased to note that her renewed appetite had made her look significantly healthier) and ran her hand over the slight bulge. “I’ve started showing!” He wasn’t sure what to make of her excitement – this was not new news, it was to be expected. “And don’t you dare say it is illogical of me to be excited.” Sarek closed his eyes for a brief second – it was as if she could read his thoughts.

It was what Amanda called the weekend, though he wasn’t entirely sure it was like how it was on Earth. The sun was hot, the summer months were coming to Vulcan quickly, and the wind blew through the open windows, causing the silken curtains to flutter. Amanda sat down on the bed beside Sarek and stared down at her stomach. He wasn’t sure what to make of this fascination she had with her own body, so he just relaxed back and watched her.

Then she lay down beside him, letting an arm hang over the edge of the bed. “Let’s stay here all day.”

“That is highly illogical and not very good for either of our wellbeing.”

“My mental wellbeing is at stake,” Amanda laughed to herself, picking at the sheet below her.

Sarek rolled on his side and traced the dip of her waist with a single finger, feeling her shiver just slightly. “Maybe for just a bit longer,” He murmured, his fingers still dancing on her exposed skin.

“Good,” and suddenly she drifted off to sleep again, the warm air sweeping along her face and body.

 

As the months passed they were greeted with little to no difficulties besides the fact that the child she bore was quite large, definitely not an average human fetus weight, but she managed. Sarek would watch her move about, doing the daily necessities that she refused to cease even though the physician recommended much rest. She was too excited she claimed.

 

It happened like the time she had been ill.

He was at the embassy, reading a treaty passage when the fear struck him, the very swift confusion and the convulsion of pain. It was brief but strong, strong enough for him to have to pause and grip his desk. And then over the bond came the chanting: _Ashayam, ashayam, ashayam._ The fear was gone, as well as the confusion as Sarek stood and exited the building, calling up the physician to meet him at the house.

The strongness of the bond faded a bit when he called the house and informed Amanda he was on his way, though what he was getting was giddy excitement. She was a source of endless confusion and wonderment to him.

 

When he arrived at the house the healers were there and they ushered him to stay in his office, away from his wife. He knew this was the way of things, but it still sent tremors of annoyance down his spine as he heard the gasps and sobs of Amanda on the balcony.

It was hours, the morning sun shifted to afternoon sun, to evening sun, to almost setting sun. Sarek watched it make its course across the sky, glinting off the planetary companion, the heat blistering everything in its wake. It was an unbearably hot day, and he knew he would hear about it later from Amanda.

He could hear her crying, and he could feel the pain over the bond, the twisting in his stomach – was it his own nerves or hers? He could not tell at this point as he paced his office, his face determinedly facing the ground.

Then the cry, not of Amanda, but of a strange being permeated the house, the walls soaked up the sound of a child crying, gasping in the hot air for the first time. Sarek did not wait for the knock on his office door; instead he swung it open and brushed passed the young Vulcan girl who had come in to retrieve him.

He could hear the Vulcan midwives discussing Amanda, confusion in their voices.

“The baby is healthy, why does the mother cry?” The younger of the two still on the balcony said; Sarek paused, waiting for the others answer.

“She is Human.”

Sarek didn’t wait any longer, instead he swung the glass door open and quickly walked to Amanda’s side, ignoring the other Vulcan’s as they cleaned up. He looked at her and then down at the child in her arms. He had stopped crying, instead his breath was soft and slow, sleep over taking him.

Amanda placed a hand on Sarek’s cheek and looked at him ardently; her hair a sticky mess in the sweat of labor and heat, but her face was shining and beaming with delight.

She gestured at the child, prompting him to say something.

“I was thinking that we could name him after one of Vulcan's early society builders. His name was Spock,” Sarek said, looking down at the baby in her arms. When she didn’t say anything, he quickly glanced back up at her. She was picking at the cloth that wrapped him, her face in an odd expression. “Your silence does not suggest enormous enthusiasm.”

She paused again, “No….” still the silence paraded around the balcony and it was as if she was trying it out, her tongue working around the word, “Spock...,” And then again, with more finality, a glint of something in her eyes. “Spock.”

Sarek leaned closer, his hand brushes hers gently, looking as the child squirmed, his eyes opening just the slightest to show deep rich brown. “He has your eyes,” Sarek said, the astonishment pervading his senses as he looked at the creature below him, in her arms.

Amanda’s laugh was breathy as she reached up and touched the pointed ears, “And your ears.”  And then she whispered, “Hello, Spock.” And he could hear her welcoming this very tiny soul into a very large universe, and he was glad he was experiencing this now with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow no pregnancy is actually really hard to write omfg


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this whole chapter is just me vomiting up cute because ohmygosh baby spock

Part III: Life with a Half-Vulcan (aka the fluffy part of just random scenes)

Ha’kiv k’ulef~whl’q’n

_Earth Late Fall/Tasmin 2230_

 

“What?” Amanda asked, bouncing Spock gently in her arms as she moved about the bedroom.

“At about 4 months of age, the parents meld with the child, it is like… a familial bond, not what we have,” Sarek said, watching her.

“But I can’t do that,” Amanda wasn’t looking at him, her back turned away, head bowed towards the child.

“I know; I will be the only one.”

“Yeht-gav fam.” _Not fair._

Sarek sighed, he knew this would be difficult for her to understand. It had been a week since Spock’s birth, and Amanda had been utterly inseparable from the baby, carrying him on her walks, reading with him on her lap, even insisting he sleep in their bed with them. Sarek had fought her on the last one, but finally gave in, letting Spock rest between them, and he had to admit he had stayed awake and watched the two of them sleep.

“Well, it will not be of any worry until he is a few months older,” Sarek sighed. “Will you sleep?” He asked, watching her pace slowly back and forth. Something was coming across to him, over the bond. “Nam-tor riyeht-ra?” _What is the matter?_

“Nam-tor nash-veh ac’ruth fam.” _I am not certain._

“Something is bothering you,” Sarek urged; he didn’t enjoy the nagging feeling of unhappiness under his skin.

Amanda turned, a quivering smile on her lips, and she looked up, trying to push the tears back into herself. “It’s nothing, really.”

Sarek stood up and quickly moved around the bed and took Spock from her arms, holding him so she could lean against his chest. “I’m just jealous is all.”

“Jealous? Of what?”

She sighed heavily, her body quivering lightly against his. “Just, I wish I could do what you do. But I’m nowhere near as psi as some Humans can be. Completely psi-null. You’ll have a connection with him that I can’t imagine.” She looked at Spock in Sarek’s arms and played with his fingers, making him stir in his sleep.

“I am not entirely sure that will be true,” Sarek murmured. “He is half-Human after all. I do not believe that the familial bond will be that strong.”

Amanda nodded, smiling as Spock yawned. “I just love him so much,” She whispered.

“Shall we sleep now?” Sarek suggested. Even though Spock was very well tempered for a new born, but he had still kept both of them up a few hours each night, fussing as Amanda whispered words to comfort. So while Spock was still asleep, it would be best to sleep.

Amanda nodded and crawled into the bed, reaching for Spock. Sarek handed the baby to her and she cooed something to him before kissing him on the temple. She was so gentle, so tender with the child in her arms. He liked this aspect of her.

 

They started having conversations with Spock (despite the fact that he was barely two months of age), and both set up a system by which he would experience both Vuhlkansu and Standard in everyday life. When Sarek was in charge of him, he would speak in his tongue only, not caring what he said, knowing that the child had absolutely no idea what he was saying. Amanda insisted on pointing out objects and naming them in Standard. And when they were all together, it became a melodious mix of both languages.

It was good practice for Amanda as well, hearing mostly Vulcan.

They were sitting at dinner, Amanda fussing with Spock who was slung around her shoulder in a soft sling, Sarek was discussing something about how frustrating Tellarites could be.

“They simply argue for arguments sake,” He pensively fumed. “I cannot reason with them –“

“He smiled.”

“What?”

“He smiled!” Amanda started laughing. “Oh god it was so cute!”

“Cute?”

“Adorable.”

“Ah.”

Amanda stood and moved around the table and then sat back down beside Sarek. She leaned down and whispered to Spock, who was actively searching the room with wide bright eyes. He focused on his mother and as she continued to murmur his mouth quickly twitched into a smile but faded quickly as he was distracted by something or other.

Sarek stared at him. And then back up at Amanda who was looking wildly happily down at the child. “It is to be expected.”

“Sarek!” Amanda complained, looking up at him in mock-horror. “This may not be your first child, but he is mine, and I will enjoy every single moment of it as possible.”

Sarek paused, watching Amanda as she brushed Spock’s black hair with her fingertips. She was Human after all. “Very well. It seems reasonable.”

“Think of it as a social experiment,” Amanda said, glancing back up at Sarek. “I think this whole process will be fascinating – half-Vulcan, half-Human. Think about it.”

“I have thought about it.”

Amanda smiled back down at Spock, “Of course he has,” She murmured to him.

 

At four months, Sarek proceeded to initiate the familial bond. Basically it was a weaker version of what he had with Amanda – a survival technique. It allowed for a certain awareness of the child, while not invading its thoughts or even memories or emotions. Amanda took Spock from Sarek after he had completed the melding, and wouldn’t put him down for the next few hours. He knew she was upset that she was unable to do the same thing, so he let her sit quietly on the balcony alone with Spock, watching the sunset.

 

At six months, Amanda began working again, if only part-time. She was still such a restless person that even a child could not keep her occupied for too long. It was also when Spock started forming the sounds he had been making, the consonant and vowel pairs, into words that were starting to be recognizable. Neither Sarek nor Amanda could figure out which language he would choose to speak first.

She called him just when he was finishing up his day at the Embassy.

She was laughing, and she bounced Spock on her knee so Sarek could see him. “He just said his first word.”

“Oh? May I inquire what it was?”

“Ek’tra.”

Sarek paused. So, Spock started with Vulcan. “Planet?”

“Apparently. I just can’t believe he chose Vulcan over Standard!”

“I do not think he _chose,_ ” Sarek pointed out, watching Spock turn his head about – his neck muscles were growing stronger each day. He was met with an exasperated sigh and understood she had not meant it literally.

“Vulcan and ek’tra of all words!” Amanda started laughing again. “Alright, let’s say good bye!” She picked up Spock’s hand and waved it at the monitor, smiling at Sarek who lifted an eyebrow at her action. “Bye bye!”

“I will see you shortly,” Sarek said and terminated the call.

At home and after dinner, Amanda and Sarek sat on the couch and simply stared at Spock, as if they were both willing him to speak by just looking at him. Spock, tired and slightly fussy began to hiccup into tears.

“Hopefully he’ll say it again at some point,” Amanda said, rubbing her hand on his stomach, calming him down.

They didn’t move for a while, letting Spock slip into sleep, his hand squeezing Amanda’s finger tightly. They were both watching him as if he was some sort of alien creature that had suddenly appeared before them, both in awe and in curious reserve. Sarek expected many more moments like this to occur.

They finally retired, Amanda still refusing to not sleep with Spock, and Sarek could not deny her. Though he felt the time was coming soon, that he would have to – in Human terms – put his foot down.

After that the words started coming thick and fast, a mix of both Standard and Vulcan. The loose sentences he formed (sometimes hard to understand, though Amanda seemed to have a handle on it) were often a combination of languages. “Ti’amah Mamá, I no want up” _Put me down Mamá._ “Telv-tor to me Sa.” _Read to me father._

And as he learned to talk, he learned to walk. He fell often and Amanda didn’t seem able not to laugh as he waddled around, sometimes toppling over. But if he started crying, she was quick to find him and pick him up.

At one point they discussed his psychic abilities.

“He does have a strong psi ability,” Sarek commented, letting Spock sit on his lap and tug at his long sleeves. “This also explains his need to touch and be touched.”

“Vulcans are tactile?” Amanda looked over at him from where she was lounging on the couch, PADD in hand.

“By innate nature, yes.”

“Really? I never knew that!” Amanda leaned forward, setting the hand held down, and reaching out a hand to brush her fingers along Spock’s cheek. He immediately lost focus of Sarek’s clothes and instead looked at his mother with interest, dark eyes viewing her intensely.

“However, he should not be encouraged beyond the age of four to touch,” Sarek commented. “As it is seen as rude and very personal to touch.”

“Oh, I remember well. And I also remember you offering me _your_ hand even though I had figured it out by then.”

“Yes well,” Sarek said, looking down at Spock’s shining black hair. “I had my reasons.”

“Hmm,” Amanda sighed contentedly, moving her hand up to Sarek’s face in turn, her fingers light and gentle. “Sure you did.” She then leaned up, hand back on Spock and kissed Sarek gently. “Glad you did.”

“As am I,” He murmured back into the kiss. Human kissing was much more enjoyable now that he was used to it, and use to her. Though, he contemplated, would he ever be?

That night, Amanda brought Spock out onto the balcony and sat with him, singing soft lullabies, which he focused onto with earnest. Sarek watched from the doorway, until Amanda motioned for him (without evening seeing if he was still there) to come join them.

It was at this point that Spock fully discovered the night sky. Almost a year old, he had yet to fully grasp onto anything other than his Mamá or Sa, but when Amanda pointed up at the night sky, with the stars glittering like dust – spreading out across an immense space, this time Spock followed her pointing finger and stared.

“He’ll explore that someday,” Amanda said proudly, as Spock continued to look up in astonishment.

“Am I to understand, you have the ability to see into the future?” Sarek said, almost teasing in his deadpan way.

“Yes,” Amanda laughed, bouncing Spock on her knee. “I do. Look Spock, your first word! Ek’tra. Can you say it?” She took his small hand in her own and pointed it at the planetary companion, looming at the horizon.

Spock stared at the planet, then back up at the stars, and then at his mother before, “Ek’tra.”

Amanda beamed down at him, but he was back to being fixated by the glittering lights in the sky. Sarek left them, returning to his work. After an hour or so, and they had yet to return, he found them asleep on the balcony together. He watched them for a moment, and then retrieved a blanket as the cool desert air washed over them. He left them under the stars until he awoke early in the morning to Amanda crawling into the bed sleepily.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was supposed to be kind of comedic but it ended up being emotional god help me omfg

 

They had a fight over whether Amanda should join Sarek back on Earth for at least a six month rotation. Sarek argued that she should stay – Spock shouldn’t be put under stress in a completely different environment. Amanda fought back.

“No! I’m not letting you waltz away for six months! We’ll come, it will be fine.”

“I do not think that is the logical path to take,” Sarek sighed, setting the cup of hot tea a little too hard on the counter, feeling the burning liquid slosh over his fingers. He winced. This fight had been going on long enough already.

“Sarek, you really expect me to be okay with you missing six months of Spock’s childhood, as well as me alone on this planet? I would go insane,” She said, a scowl on her face, her disproval and slight disappointment that he would even consider such an idea seeping into him over the bond. “Kup-fam nash-veh du o’noi.” _I cannot believe you._ The last words came out in an almost snarl and suddenly Spock, picking up on her signals through the touch of her skin started to cry. She shot Sarek a dirty look – as if she was blaming him for Spock crying, when really it was her (Sarek could not get a handle on Humans sometimes) – and left to go on a walk with Spock on hip.

Sarek sat down at the table and attempted to read the news on his computer, but gave up, instead almost huffily sitting back in his chair, drumming his fingers on the cup of tea in a steady rhythm. He watched the door intently, willing it to open, to reveal Amanda smiling and content again. But even as he sat there, there were twinges and stabs at his psyche as Amanda was obviously still fuming.

When she returned, putting Spock to bed for a nap, she gave him what he learned later was ‘the cold shoulder’. She barely even looked at him, shutting down her emotions and letting nothing escape except irritation. Sarek was going mad. It was almost incessant, the constant drag of heavy emotions, actually just the single emotion, and it was wearing him down.

She didn’t come to bed, instead, situating herself on the couch, flipping channels with hurried annoyance. Sarek sighed and retreated, hoping that slumber would give him a bit of a reprieve from the constant battering.

But he wasn’t. Amanda made sure of that. She knew what she wanted and she wasn’t about to let Sarek get off clean. For the majority of the night, Sarek lay awake, staring at the ceiling, building up walls just against the emotions she was emitting to him now. But it was becoming distressing by the time he roused himself the next morning.

“Fine.”

“What?” Amanda said, not turning towards him as she poured a cup of coffee for herself, stopping Spock from crawling too far away from her with her foot.

“You can come. With Spock. To Earth,” His sentences were stilted, his head hurting as if he had been clobbered with a battering ram. But almost instantly, the heaviness that Amanda had been plaguing him with for hours was gone and he sighed softly with relieve.

“Thank you,” She whispered, moving towards him and kissing him on the cheek.

He still took medicine for the migraine she left him with.

That night Amanda laughed at him for approximately 23 minutes straight. When she finally calmed down (only to hiccup once or twice), he glared at her until she explained herself.

“You are so easily manipulated. I cannot believe that worked.”

“I would not say easily – I withheld my final judgment for over 15 hours,” Sarek scowled a bit. “And I would appreciate it if you kept that side of yourself more safe-guarded because it truly disrupted my thought processes and gave me some pain.”

“Kan-bu.” _Baby._

Sarek did not speak to her the rest of the night.

 

They left a week after the fight, both rehabilitated and Amanda seemed to feel guilty, sending positive vibes to Sarek every time they touched – which she made sure were often. The small family took a transport shuttle to the docking bay and took a similar starship as they had when arriving to Vulcan. Only this time they had Spock in tow.

In the middle of the first night, Sarek awoke to find the bed empty beside him. He quickly dressed, only the slightest twinges of nervousness pricking at the back of his mind because he could neither sense Amanda or Spock. But they couldn’t have gone far – this was after all, a ship in space.

When he found the nearest viewing port he quickly came to the conclusion of where they must be. And he was right.

“Sarek,” Amanda whispered to him, Spock on her hip, head resting on her shoulder, soft breathes indicating he was asleep. Amanda reached out and brushed a single finger over Sarek’s cheek, causing the slightest of shivers to pass up his spine. Amanda smiled gently at the reaction that he could not stop. But the reason for the shudder was the emotions that Amanda shifted to him.

Longing, for worlds unknown; lonliness, for people she could never fully connect with – her own race and every single other alien species; the never ending curiosity; and the full, hot, passionate love she held for Spock and Sarek.

He stared at her, wanting to ask and not wanting to ask at the same time.

“The stars,” She gestured at the large clear vaulted ceiling – the viewing deck revealed they had dropped out of warp for a few hours. “The stars are like little beacons. They want to be searched.” This was what brought on the tidal wave.

Sarek suddenly felt guilty, his eyebrows knitting together as he watched Amanda turn and stare back up at the blackness of the universe. “Have I deprived you of something?”

Amanda quickly turned back to him, eyes wide with what he could pin as to be horror. “ _What?”_

“Vesht pak-tor du aitlul buk ki’nash-veh?” _Have I deprived you of a preferred destiny?_

“Worla.” _Never._ And she, with Spock still on her shoulder, leaned up and harshly kissed Sarek on the mouth, like they were back on Earth and she had been crying for hours, desperate for another’s touch. But instead of then, he kissed back, one hand gently touching the back of her palm that was pressed so firmly on his cheek. They only broke apart when Spock stirred uncomfortably at the pressure they were exuding on him. Amanda pressed her forehead to Sarek’s chest with a giddy laugh. “I could have never asked for a better destiny,” She whispered, fingers of one hand picking at the rough cloth of his robe. “I’ll leave the exploration to Spock here.”

“You seem determined to think he will traverse the stars,” Sarek murmured back, letting a hand shift through Spock’s thick hair.

“I know he will. He’s not all you, you know.”

Sarek let a corner of his mouth lift up. They were in private after all.

“Sit with me and watch the universe,” Amanda said, tugging at Sarek to move towards the windows, and the couches. They sat in comfortable silence for the next couple of hours, even as more people trickled in to view the stars, and even after they jumped into warp, the millions of suns transforming into comets that streamed around them, the entire time, Amanda’s fingers brushed against Sarek’s.


	17. Chapter 17

Earth, as Amanda put it, was exactly how they left it.

Sarek worked in earnest for the first couple of months, coming home at awful hours in the early morning, treaties and negotiations taking up the majority of his time. Amanda took a part time job back at the school she had worked in before leaving Earth. She used the Starfleet daycare system set up for families, leaving Spock there for a few hours every other day. As it turned out, he did not like it. He was also not happy about being on Earth itself it seemed.

Sarek, observing Spock one day as he attempted to walk, noted that Spock seemed uncomfortable.

“I do not believe Spock is at ease with the gravitational pull on Earth,” He said, leaning down and picking up Spock and looking over at Amanda who was back on her beloved couch (they had been given the same apartment).

“Oh? How can you tell?” Amanda asked, looking up from her book.

“Watch,” Sarek said and put Spock down. He gave a high pitched little screech (he was not a child to make much noise, usually either quiet or attempting to form words and sentences). Amanda leaned up over the couch’s back and watched Spock stood shakily, his face screwed up in what Sarek could pinpoint as discomfort. He took a step or two before falling down, but instead of sitting or attempting to stand again, Spock (very uncharacteristically) laid down on the floor. Amanda stared at him.

“Oh my god.”

“As you can see, I think the environment is affecting him,” Sarek said, leaning down and picking up the now limp Spock again.

Amanda started laughing, her incredulousness blatant. “Oh my god! I can’t believe it! You were right!”

“About what?” Sarek asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

“You said it might be a bad idea if we brought him because of the stress from a completely different environment,” Amanda chortled, falling back on the couch. Sarek sighed, and moved to put Spock down on the carpet. “Wait!” She suddenly cried, jumping up. “I have a plan.”

“Oh?”

“Just… I’ll be back,” Amanda said, and grabbed her coat and headed out the door. Sarek, a bit peeved, made himself a cup of tea and sat down.

About an hour later, she flung the door open, pulling the scarf she had wrapped around her head and mouth away to reveal a huge grin. In her hand she held a small bag. “Put on the hot water?” She asked, shutting the door with her foot and slipping out of her jacket. “It’s freezing out there. I’ve become soft – now I’m use to Vulcan’s constant heat.”

Sarek flipped the switch for the electric kettle and walked over to her and took the bag from her hands. In it, he found two small ankle weights.

“Where did you find these?” They were tiny.

“I went to the replicator store, had to make them special,” Amanda sighed, pulling off her soggy boots. “I was thinking, we could add the extra weights to his feet, and then Spock would be more comfortable.”

Sarek shifted the weights in his palm, “That is an excellent idea.”

“I know it is,” Amanda grinned up at him, holding out two fingers to him. He met them with two of his own and then turned to retrieve Spock from the bedroom.

At first, Spock hated them, and he was vocal about it.

“Ri!” _No!_ He said, pulling at the weights on his ankles with small fingers. “Ri aitlu!” _No want!_ Amanda frowned.

“Darling, you will be much happier with them,” She said, pulling his hands away from the weights.

“Tor t’du m’aih ni’droi,” _Do as your mother asks,_ Sarek said sternly. Spock fell immediately into a heap of tears.

Sarek knew that Spock, having human genes within his DNA had trouble separating normal Vulcan behavior to normal Human behavior and so it usually ended up in a muddled mess of emotions. Amanda picked Spock up, bouncing him on her knee and patting his head with small shushing sounds; Sarek left the room. He was not comfortable with the idea of crying, especially when there was not a necessary reason for it. He knew Spock would grow out of it, but as an infant, it was hard for Sarek to escape it.

The next day however, when Sarek returned home late in the evening, he was greeted by Spock walking-crawling towards him with the weights on his ankle, much more comfortable looking.

“Took a while, but finally he got use to them,” Amanda said, picking up Spock and let him grab at her face, feeling for her emotions. She smiled at Spock, “Yes we did, and now you can learn to walk without whining the entire time.”

 

As it turned out, Sarek was to be stationed on Earth for an entire year. In that time, Amanda remade connections with lost friends, had Spock speaking more fluently in Standard and even Spock, now almost 2 years old, was starting to run about. He still did not like the daycare, and complained mostly to Sarek about it every time his father sat down.

“Ri daycare, Sa!” Spock complained, crawling up into Sarek’s lap.

“Spock,” Sarek said disapprovingly. “Nam-tor ar’kadaik.” _I’m working._ Spock ignored him.

“Don’t like daycare,” He said, reaching for Sarek’s hands. Sarek pulled them away.

“Fai-tor esta ish-veh nam-tor ri nuhk,” _You know it is rude to touch._ Spock scowled at Sarek’s hands. Amanda never denied him the chance to explore connections and his psi abilities, but Sarek had started to become stricter in the matter. “Why don’t you like the daycare, Spock?” Sarek sighed, setting down the PADD he had been working on and turning Spock on his lap so he could see his face.

“No friends,” Spock said, following his father in speaking Standard.

“You are two years of age; you should not be troubled by this.”

Spock did not answer, losing focus in the conversation and grabbing at the pin on Sarek’s chest. Sarek stared down at his son for a moment. Child of two worlds, maybe he would have a deeper understanding of things about him than any other child.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello yes i'm motivated to finish this 8)

Spock turned three years old on the return trip to Vulcan.

Sarek watched as Amanda curled up around their son and fall into a gentle sleep, her breath heavy and slow, one light arm draped over Spock’s chest in a protective embrace. Her hair spilled onto the pillow around her as if it was a crown, the Warp light dancing from the window and onto her skin. Sarek returned to his readings, letting the pair rest. He wasn’t sure when they would return to Earth for that long of a period again, but he felt that now she had officially said her goodbyes. She was ready to live wholly in his life with a complete immersion into Vulcan society.

He felt a twinge of regret.

 

When she awoke, they had dropped from Warp, and she took Spock to the viewing port as usual. Sarek followed, watching as she bounced Spock on her hip, dancing with him, pointing up at the stars.

“Do you like the stars Spock?” She asked, standing him up on her knee so he could look out the vast windows. He pressed his hands to the glass.

“Ha,” He said, leaning his head against the glass.

“Look over there!” She said, swinging him around and pointed at the large golden nebula that floated far away but was still visible to the naked eye. “Why do you love the stars?” Amanda asked.

He didn’t respond, instead he opened and closed his little hands, mimicking the twinkling of stars when viewed through an atmosphere. Amanda laughed. “They’re pretty?”

“Ha.”

“Illogical,” Sarek commented solemnly, but he let his eyes soften when Amanda looked at him sharply.

“It’s fascinating,” She shot back.

“Fasc-in-ah-ting,” Spock repeated. Multiple syllabic words were just entering his vocabulary.

“Fascinating,” Amanda repeated, correcting his pronunciation. “I will have you speaking perfect English if it kills me.”

Spock ignored her and reached for the glass, and then they jumped back into warp and Spock gasped, hiding his eyes in Amanda’s hair.

“Sa-kan, zan-tor tun-boshing,” _Child, watch carefully._ Sarek instructed, moving closer to grab his sons attention. “Tchas-yeturek, oren-tor ish-veh muhl.” _Warp drive, learn it well._

“I thought you weren’t going to encourage the idea of Star Fleet or exploration,” Amanda quipped at him

“I am simply instilling the idea of curiosity and the urge to learn the world and how it moves in perfect balance,” Sarek replied. Amanda just gave him a long look in reply.

It was hot when they returned, hot and windy. Sarek adjusted his hood, so it covered his mouth, the searing sand still blowing into his face. Amanda wrapped her own head as well as Spock’s in light blue cloth, protecting skin, both from sunburn and the sand. They had discovered that Spock did not burn, but unlike most Vulcan’s he did seem to grow darker faster under the rays.

They walked up the hill back to their house, Amanda insisting that she breathe in the desert air as much as possible. Sarek was surprised that his breath was coming up short, that he felt overly hot. If he had to admit it, he felt sick, which hardly ever happened. He wouldn’t let Amanda notice.

Inside he immediately stripped his outer robe, trying not to pant, trying to keep his composure. Amanda put Spock down for his afternoon nap and proceeded to sit down with a book, resting from a slight jet lag. Sarek retreated to his office, settling down at his desk and pressing a finger to his temple. The heat seemed to be getting to him – perhaps he was tired, perhaps his body had gone into a slight shock with the difference in planetary environments. Illogical. Could it be –

Sarek stood and went to the balcony that opened from their bedroom, and began a heavy mediation. But his mind would not settle. The sun was beating down on his skin in a way he hadn’t felt in years. The hot wind was dry and hard against his eyelids.

Eventually he simply got up and went to bed.

When he awoke however he was not refreshed or readjusted, instead his body was in a cold sweat and Amanda was looking down at him worriedly. He stared up at the ceiling, trying to push back sudden emotions.

“Are you alright?” Amanda asked, reaching out a hand to touch his forehead. But when her hand made contact with his feverish skin, he pushed it away harshly, his skin sensitive and his mind completely open.

“I… I have a fever,” Sarek said lamely. It was true, but he wasn’t about to voice the reason why he had one.

“Something from the ship?” Amanda asked, hand still hovering above his body. Even this was agitating. “I’ve… I’ve never seen you ill, Sarek,” She said, brown eyes wide.

“Let me rest, meditate....” He said listlessly, before rolling over and falling into another restless sleep. 

Again when he awoke, he was no better, and the sky had darkened. He could hear Amanda cooing to Spock in the living room, a soft lullaby. He fixated his scattered mind on the soft sound, trying to focus on something other than his body.

After a moment, the singing stopped and Amanda returned to the bed. She obviously had left Spock in the living room probably thinking what Sarek had was contagious. She slipped under the silk sheets and rolled towards Sarek. He glanced at her, his breathing ragged.

“Should we call someone? Go to a hospital? Anything?” Amanda whispered, worriedly brushing an out of place hair from his forehead. Again, the lightest of touches disturbed him and he turned his head away.

“I will… make arrangements tomorrow,” He said.

“Arrangements?”

“I will explain later.”

Amanda looked at him, and he could feel her longing to take care of him, her confusion and her worry. It was a sickening feeling to him and he rolled away from her, trying to put a mental distance between their bond.

He didn’t sleep that night.

 

Sarek sent a message to the High Master the next morning, his hands shaking uncontrollably, his tongue dry. As he spoke, his words slurred and stuttered slight. But the High Master knew exactly what was happening before he could form the words.

“We will convene at dusk,” She interrupted.

He nodded, his hands shaking as he turned off his monitor. Maybe a deep mediation should be in order. He isolated himself on the balcony, sending a quick text to Amanda alerting her not to disturb him. She did not reply.

The cool breeze outside did calm him for a moment. But his mind drifted, unable to focus on the much needed meditation. He could feel the fever rising.

Frustration over took him. Anger. It boiled over and he stood up and flung his outer robe to the ground. And then he hurled the glass of water that had been set beside him. It shattered, the pieces glittering in the dusky sun.

Amanda opened the glass door behind him, and he could feel the fear – of him? He wasn’t sure. He turned, and he saw the worry on her face but his own emotions suddenly roared up and out and he pushed her back in harshly. The hurt, the betrayal, the confusion were obvious on her face as he slammed the door between them.

 

His hands were shaking as he bonded with Amanda. She was fearful, her brow sweating, her fingers wrapping desperately around the collar of his robe. It was like their first night only now the stakes were raised and the roles reversed. With heavy breaths, Sarek closed his eyes and melded, releasing his tension and restraint into her.  

He couldn't hear her crying, couldn't feel her shaking, couldn't see the tears streaming down dusty cheeks, leaving her skin looking like earth cracked with many creek beds.  

Later, he would be never as grateful that they were being supervised as he was. The High Master saw that the human woman was becoming overwhelmed and stepped in. She could not physically break the meld, but she gently placed a finger on to Sareks forehead and he heard the ancient whispers of his people, from a time before Surak, before reason, when Pon Farr was almost rampant, animalistic urges and wants. 

But Amanda was the one to surprise: despite her sobbing, her shaking body, she sent out tendrils, soft ribbons of calm - she was giving him her last reserve of humanity she could muster, before his crazed, alien emotions overwhelmed her. But it was enough. 

The fever broke in a flash.  

Sarek fell back, gasping, hand to his forehead. Amanda threw up right there in the dirt, the high master looked on. But the worst was over and they had both survived. Sarek closed his eyes, willing his roiling brain to settle, to refocus. Of course Pon Farr was yet to be over, but they could have a reprieve.  

Amanda threw up again. 

"I advise you take her home," the High Master said softly to Sarek and she helped him stand. "A human experiencing any effects of the Pon Farr might be overwhelmed. Tend to her before she tends to you if you both plan on coming out of this experience without scars." 

Sarek nodded and reached for his wife. She stood shakily, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. She was not smiling, she didn't even send him thoughts or emotions across the bond when his hand clasped against clammy skin. She was exhausted.

Back home, Sarek called someone to pick up Spock and tend to him for a few days, and then he leaned back into the couch, letting the wind blow across fevered skin. Amanda had removed herself to their bedroom to lie down for a while.

Hours later, Sarek awoke to a hunger in his belly, deep and hallow that consumed him. He knew what this was, and he hoped Amanda was awake. He couldn’t control his actions as he slinked into the bedroom. Amanda was asleep, her brown hair spread out on the pillow, one hand resting on her stomach, the other above her head. He reached out and brushed a finger against hers and an electric shock coursed up his arm. His mind was completely open.

Amanda awoke with a start and then laughed – she must have felt it too. “How are you feeling?” She asked, reaching up to touch his face. He relished the touch, it felt cool and arousing and he leaned into it.

“I know I didn’t have time to explain it in detail before – but do you know the full effects of Pon Farr?” He asked, his voice lower than before. Amanda sat up, eyebrows arched.

“I…,” Amanda stopped when Sarek touched her hand, and he could see suddenly her pupils widen, her breathing cut short as she stared at him. “Whoa.”

“Do you understand,” Sarek asked, his voice a growl.

“I…” Amanda gulped, her lips quivering with something he hoped was desire. “Yes?” It was a question more towards her own body, the bond between them as strong as it ever was – to the point he could tell she was feeling it.

“When we performed the mating ritual,” Sarek pushed at her shirt, clawing to get at more skin. She sat up, her hands reaching out for him. “I transferred my symptoms of _pon farr_ to you. To elevate the stress of my own body.” While he spoke, she pressed up against him, her breathing becoming ragged. He could tell she was still confused, but the red hot rush of blood surging through both of them was too much, drowning out almost all other thought. She kissed his neck, nipping at it. He let out a growl and ripped at her cotton shirt, pulling at her hair.

This was the second time he had ever experienced pon farr, the first with someone other than a predestined mate. They moved together as one – no… they danced. They danced and laughed and sang and he felt as he had never felt before with his previous mate. Then it had been for survival purely, now… now was different. Amanda had made him different. Even in their hazy minds, their glassy eyes, their steaming hearts, Sarek felt whole.

Only a day before Sarek had felt terribly lost, a tiny hot speck on a tiny, meaningless planet that was also hot and oh how his skin burned but now… now he shared it with someone and it wasn’t meaningless. It was for him and her and it was as if a giant sun was finally going nova.

They didn’t leave their room for two days except for food and water if absolutely necessary.


	19. Chapter 19

Nights, weeks, months… years past. Sarek watched as his son grew up, a child of two worlds. This life he was living was the most bizarre and not what he had dreamt about, but he would have it no other way.

One night, when Spock was a young teenager, Amanda dragged Sarek (protesting) out of the house and they took a midnight ride on his motorbike through the sandy bluffs. She pointed up at the planet.

“Ek’tra,” She said, leaning her head against his shoulder.

“Yes?” He asked, slightly bewildered. After so many years she was becoming quite fluent with his language, so simply pointing at a planet and calling it planet was... odd.

“That was Spock’s first word,” Amanda murmured. “Do you know what mine was?”

“I do not.”

“Stars.”

Sarek looked down at her, face softening. “Like mother like son.”

“Would you be opposed if Spock decided against completing Kolinahr?” Amanda whispered, quickly glancing up at Sarek. He didn’t move, just looked at her. “I don’t mean that he will, it’s just. I have this feeling. This gut feeling that he will want to take a different path.”

“He is a free person,” Sarek answered. He wasn’t sure how he felt. He would train his son, guide him towards Kolinahr – he was his heritage. But if Spock were to change his mind – who was he to stop him? But he didn’t much like the idea.

“I’ve been practicing on something,” Amanda said, sitting up and reaching her two fingers out extended. Sarek reciprocated. “I think I can pronounce my last name finally.”

“Oh?” Sarek raised an eyebrow.

Amanda cleared her throat and then leaned up and kissed Sarek on the mouth and then whispered, “S'chn T'ga’i Amanda.” Sarek couldn’t help but turn a corner of his mouth up.

“That’s the closest you’ve ever gotten,” He replied, pulling away from her. “But it’s S'chn T'gai.” Amanda frowned.

“Who knew I wouldn’t even be able to say my own name,” She complained.

“I think you can, Amanda Grayson,” He said. “Shall we?” He said, gesturing at his bike. She liked taking midnight rides since he had gotten it.

She would lean back, taking off the veil she had started to wear all the time, letting her brown hair move in the wind, one hand on Sarek’s shoulder, the other reaching up to the stars.

“Wait,” She said, grabbing his arm. “What was your first word?”

Sarek took a moment to comtimplate, “Las’hark.”

“Sun?”

“It’s a very prominent thing on Vulcan,” Sarek said, logically. Amanda laughed.

“Alright, let’s go.”

 

Sarek stopped on his way to the council room, quietly watching as his wife fixed his son’s collar.

“There's no need to be anxious. You'll do fine,” Amanda said, smiling up at him.

“I am hardly anxious, Mother. And 'fine' has variable definitions. 'Fine' is unacceptable,” Spock said.

Amanda moved her hands down onto his chest, “Okay,” She whispered. She went back to fixing his collar, the habit of a nervous mother. Sarek saw Spock flinch away, she must have touched the bare skin of his neck, her nerves washing over her son. Sarek could feel them from over the bond. He had developed an acute sense of feeling emotions for the pair of them when need be.

“May I ask a personal query?”

“Anything.”

“Should I choose to complete the Vulcan discipline of Kolinahr and purge all emotion, I trust you will not feel it reflects judgment on you,” Spock said, and Sarek could suddenly feel the urgency in the undertones of that statement over the familial bond that he and Spock had.

“Oh, Spock. As always, whatever you choose to be, you will have a proud mother,” Amanda whispered, smiling up at Spock. Sarek turned and left, wondering how the outcome of this council meeting would be.

 

The ground was shaking, and Sarek couldn’t find his wife. The fire had driven down into the center of their planet and Sarek could suddenly feel panic in his throat. At first he thought he was feeling Amanda’s emotions, but instead, a moment later he realized that they were his own. He fought them down as he quickly jumped on his bike. He had to find her, get her somewhere safe.

As he drove, he watched as the earth around him started to crumble. And then there she was, standing on a bluff, her veil whipping in the wind, eyes wide with fear. Her home was being destroyed in front of her very eyes.

“Amanda!” Sarek yelled over the noise of bed rock snapping and crumbling. “Amanda!”

She looked at him, and then started to scramble towards him. He reached for her. They quickly touched palms, making sure the other was alright before they hopped onto the bike and Sarek began to drive as fast as he could.

They arrived in the temple, the other council members already there. They abandoned the bike outside the entrance and went in. Sarek checked Amanda’s face quickly to make sure she was unhurt. He was met with eyes full of shock and terror. Before they entered the inner chamber, Sarek wrapped her up in his arms, feeling her warmth, kissing her forehead and then they ran in.

It was loud, even inside the caverns. And Sarek looked around the other elders. He hoped that someone had gotten his distress signal. He couldn’t bear to watch as all the knowledge of Vulcan was lost. Just then there was a shout and as Amanda whipped around, he could hear her gasp “Spock.”

Spock looked around at the small circle “We must evacuate,” He said. “Mother, now,” and then reached out for her.

They all began running, Spock in front, Sarek close behind Amanda. He could hear the statues of their ancestors crumbling and then a shout from someone. He didn’t bother to see, but he knew innately that they were not all going to make it out of the cavern.

Finally they were out in the open, only to see more of their home planet crumbling, falling in on itself. Spock flipped open his communicator, “Spock to Enterprise, beam us up – _now._ ”

Sarek watched as Amanda turned to look over the decimated landscape, fear and heartbreak in her face. The beams of light dancing around her as the beaming technology kicked in. Suddenly she turned around, and Sarek received a flash, a horrible kick to the gut – she was calm. She was calm as if she knew –

She screamed as the rocks below her crumbled, Spock reached out for her, yelling, there was a ringing sound in Sarek’s ears. The calm that was there was replaced with fear. And he wanted to be sick.

They were on the Enterprise, everyone looking at Spock, seeing as his shocked, dirty face turned away from where his mother was supposed to be. And all Sarek could feel was… nothing.

           

Spock looked bewilderingly at his father, and for the first time in his entire life, Sarek felt his heart shatter into a million pieces, each with Amanda’s named written on it. He could see her mouth on his son’s face, her chin, her eyes. Her eyes, but they were not her eyes. Sarek stared at his son, the anger and hurt the crazed tide of emotions at the brink and almost tidal waving into oblivion.

“I am as conflicted as I once was a child,” Spock said, his voice grating and sour.

“You will always be a child of two worlds. I am grateful for this, and for you,” Sarek said, staring into Amanda’s eyes – Spock’s. Sarek had to describe how he felt, without… feeling.

“I feel anger for the one who took Mother's life - an anger I _cannot_ control.”

“I believe... that she would say, ‘Do not try to.’” Sarek said. He paused, looking at his beloved son.  “You asked me once why I married your mother… I married her because I loved her.” And he turned and walked away, head bowed, wishing as he had never wished before that he could feel her presence once more in his mind. But he could not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello yes this is the end i suck i know lmao goodbye


End file.
